Winnipeg, Canada 40 years-old
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
Today, I found that windshield wipers on my car had been stolen. I bought a pair of new ones for around $10 but when I was trying to put them in place, I failed to hold a wiper holder and it slipped down on the windshield, causing cracks. Now I have to replace the windshield which will cost approximately $150. FML
Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML
Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML
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