Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a "talk." So now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML
Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML
Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML
Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML
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Top comments
MaddogTotten 0
Haha, penis. You really should make sure that nothing you permanently attach to your body looks in any way like a penis, in any context. Sorry but YDI.
UpYourself 0
Hahaha owned
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Comments (124)
shad0wpuppetz 0
That's what you get for getting something obviously phallic tattooed onto you.
suzieq57 0
Exactly what I was going to say. :P A giant sword is phallic enough already...
Jazzywrites007 2
Oh ok!
dyingstart 0
Call your tattoo artist and demand a cover-up. Add a shadow or color to the tat, I'm sure it will help.
8trickster8 0
I bet the tattoo guy is laughing his ass of right now.
MagicJosh 0
Beware Mr. CockNeck!
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
why would u get a sword? and why would u have it run the length of ur spine? u sir, are very, very smarticle :]
TheLetterZero 7
YDI for getting a tattoo and spelling your name "damnit". It's "dammit".
HurriKaty 4
WELL, HERE COMES THE PAIN! der der der der der.
nypd613 0
You SO deserve it for getting a tattoo! Why would someone want to brand themselves for the rest of their lives? You're essentially showing the world "look, I'm a loser and an idiot. I think tattoos are cool..." or whatever the reason was that you got the tattoo. And yes, I know that with laser removal you could remove it, but the skin never goes back to how it was. You can always detect some traces of the tattoo.
Pandasaur 0
People having tastes that differ from yours doesn't make them idiotic or losers. I suggest getting that tattooed on the back of your hand in case you forget.
flyingtoasters 0
Sweetie, some people get tattoos to commemorate something/someone special. I know a lot of people who have tattoos in memory of someone who died that they were close to, when they went into the military or something like that, or have a tattoo because it gives them something visual to remind them to be strong. I know my own tattoo has personal meaning to me, I didnt get it to look cool. I will admit its a great way to meet other people because everyone is curious but... My tattoo is my own, not because anyone else has one. So, just because you dont like them, doesnt mean that everyone who has them is a mindless sheep. Im the opposite actually so, please dont generalize.
nypd613 0
Oh really. Don't tell me that someone who wants to commemorate someone or something can't find a better way to do it. How exactly does a tattoo honor someone? If it was precious enough to someone, he wouldn't need a tattoo to do it, because in my opinion it's superficial. As a side note, my brother in the military never felt the need for a tattoo even when he lost his commander and two friends in an attack, while my other brother got a tattoo when he was my age, unrelated to anything. Personally I think he made a foolish mistake.
Jazzywrites007 2
Well, nypd, everyone is different. And when one group strives to make everyone the exact same then we end up with situations close to what went down in Germany circa 1933 to 1945. And although I relish the idea of some person plucking you off the planet, we can just Be civil and realize that NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE YOU ****.
Pandasaur 0
In the end, nypd, everyone has his/her own opinion. Please get used to that. It's not necessarily wrong that you don't agree with tattooing, but keep in mind that name-calling because someone makes a choice involving only HIS OR HER OWN BODY is immature and sure to earn very negative reactions.
flyingtoasters 0
Well, thats how you feel, its not how he felt. It was a big deal to him and his family and thats how they wanted to make it an event and remember it. Sure, there are better ways to do it but, there are better ways to do almost everything. I respect the fact that you dont like tattoos but dont generalize and dont say people are stupid for getting one. its their body, not yours. If you dont like them, dont get one. But you dont need to criticize others for them wanting one or getting one. Im not criticizing you for not liking them but at least be respectful of them, as I have been to you.
tehgeorgeh 0
Well swords are phallic anyway, what did you expect? You could have at least worn the design in henna for some amount of time before deciding to get it permanently inked. YDI for living in Queensland and having the sun fry your brain :D
Escapist28 0
Well, it's time for you to grow a very long mullet or wear high-collared shirts. You could be like Seto Kaiba and do both!
nawkturnal 0
Brock Lesnar has a tattoo like that which goes right down the middle of his upper torso...some people call him C*ck Lesnar now. Sucks to be you...
nypd613 0
since when does someone who reads fmls censor the word "****"? lmao