Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML
Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML
Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bleep_fml 0
What kind of attention ***** discusses raunchy details of their sex life on the bus, loud enough for others to hear, anyway?
offmycloud 0
Eww. You're THAT person on the bus, who talks about the dumbest, most disgusting things as loud as you can. You totally deserve it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (220)
Gawain_fml 0
Wow, so you're one of those trashy ****** who discusses her sex life loud enough on the bus so others can hear you. You can't buy class like that.
Beeebop 0
On a bus? YDI. *****.
beagle_fml 0
Oh you are the worst type of person. I hate it when I'm on the bus and whoever won't STFU about their drug addiction/gastrointestinal problems/sex life. What kind of freako talks about that stuff IN PUBLIC? YDI.
Roxas_fml 0
YDI. Keep that shit to yourself until you're in a private place.
MvK_fml 0
However low the odds were that his mother would be there, you still shouldn't have been discussing private matters in public.
sarumanthewhite 0
i hope your boyfriend dumps you, you ******* ugly fat **** OF A *****
kewl92 0
wow definetely YDI, you're an idiot for talking about that on the bus. if I had been in the same bus as you I would've turned around to see what kind of an asshat would discuss their sex life on a crowded bus. do you think people want to hear that? jesus...
trop_fml 0
totally YDI
Indiana_fml 4
Agree with #20. 'Nuff said.
XBeckster 0
Oh my gosh . YDI . Your talking about YOUR sex life , in a PUBLIC bus . PUBLIC being the keyword . Your friends prbly don't give a shit that you did a lot of sexual things , your attention ***** .