Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML
Today, a coworker told me I was "fat shaming" them by discussing weight loss with other coworkers. FML
Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML
Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
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Top comments
faiona 13
Yeah..maybe think next time. Fat-phobic gets thrown around a lot these days but wow, can you be more of an asshole?
poopface82 25
Next time you think about saying something that batshit stupid, maybe have a stick of gum instead. Or a cup of tea. Or let a semi truck run over your foot. Any of those options would be an improvement over what you said.
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Comments (14)
faiona 13
Yeah..maybe think next time. Fat-phobic gets thrown around a lot these days but wow, can you be more of an asshole?
Jon Tessler 14
YDI.....what aidiotic thing to say. be happy they didn't fire you on the spot
poopface82 25
Next time you think about saying something that batshit stupid, maybe have a stick of gum instead. Or a cup of tea. Or let a semi truck run over your foot. Any of those options would be an improvement over what you said.
RichardPencil 32
Even worse, I'll bet you didn't even get the answer to your question. How did he find her vag and get past the FUPA? These are legitimate questions, but too unkind to ask. Maybe you should track down her husband and ask him. We all have the right to know!
Brightside86 31
I bet OP is actually the pregnant girl, no way someone would out themselves likes this.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
I don't know. Look at how Karens always think that they are the ones in the right. This is the same thing. OP no doubt feels that their punishment was too harsh and unfair.
KeyKey 2
Going after someone’s physical appearance is never okay. You ruined her’s and her partner’s announcement and hurt her self image and feelings all at once . You’re a Grade A Dipshit. How could a whole ass sentence just slip out? You had time to think about it . You’re trash.
benjamn 24
Dudes gotta be hung.
Marissa Anjelica 1
You should have been fired.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
There is no scenario in which you don't deserve that punishment. You're stupidly lucky you didn't get fired.
CakeEater 15
He rolls her in flour and looks for the wet spot. Honestly though, must've expected to be fired or at least punished for saying something like that at work. Especially these days, the definition of harassment just gets longer and longer.
IHaveThePower 18
I'm pretty sure the definition of harassment is and has always been 'don't be a ******** in the workplace'. Insults, sexual comments, and making people feel bad about innate traits are called 'being a ********', and should not occur in the workplace. You are not actually funny.