Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up after I had gotten shitfaced, and tossed out of bars by bouncers several times. I even had pictures of my face circulated to other bars not to be served. I then met a woman I almost smoked crack with, and spent the rest of the night following her while she asked random homeless people for free crack. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Wow in prison half a pack gets you dinner and sex! Epitome of class.
KayDee29 31
I hope he at least offered you good cigarettes after all that.
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Comments (50)
Indoow 10
I hope it wasnt a big amount of tips. Did you cleaned it?
Enslaved 38
Most likely OP did. Just a rinse with gloves. That's the next customer's future change. Bartenders usually turn in their tips for bigger bills at the end of their shifts. Money is so dirty! Ever wonder how many of your dollars were once up some stripper's g-sting? Or how many have a trace of cocaine on them?
devildog562 33
In America it's over 90 pct of all money has traces of cocaine. That should keep you awake !
andy594328 17
I work in a cash office and I see a lot of £10 and £20 notes with blood on them because they've been up somebody's nose snorting coke off a night club toilet seat. I love telling the new staff that.
LennyComa 39
And they say romance is dead.
Toriahh 21
Looks like I'm in the wrong career field! He sounds like a great catch ;)
Malahkaa 19
Bouncer time....
Soundslikeothers 15
Well, with the price of cigarettes how could you turn that offer down?
sweetbliss3 37
why is your money near where customers can get to it? every bar/restaurant I've ever worked at had the tip jar underneath the bar area to keep it from getting stolen, or in the case, puked into.
Enslaved 38
#23 Bartenders sometimes have those. example: extra large brandy glasses, within reach-- on display to encourage patrons to tip for quick drinks being made. (think about it. I'm sure you've seen them before, especially on pianos to tip the musicians) It usually only has a few of their bills in it and then gets transferred once it fills up too much. I had one. Never got puked in nor stolen because the whole bar can see it and be willing to kick that thief's ass for me if anyone were to take what's not theirs to touch.
TheMalygos 21
Half a packet, a chicken leg, two pints, a glass jar and $13.29 to put a point
jordanania 5
That's one helluva guy there
iAmPaul 49
Plot twist: OP is male.
AGuyNamedI 7
Shit you beat me to it! I was thinking... Please please please... be a male.
baba01_fml 17
How was the sex? He sounds irresistible.