Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML
Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML
Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML
Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card, since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV, a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML
Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML
Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML
Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said, "It's nothing personal." FML
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Top comments
TwitchingNebula 17
Don't keep condoms in your wallet. They dry out and crack and you can get someone pregnant by using them.
rubberduckie94 13
Either the size or the fact op is old enough to drive a car, yet still uses a Velcro wallet.
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Comments (108)
duckiegirl21 10
The nurses shouldn't have laughed at you for practicing safe sex. It must have been the absurd number of condoms proving you weren't getting any that caused the chuckle fest.
Michael_92 20
Oh give him a break it was only 17 condoms. lol
justhanging 6
He needed a lot of condoms in case he got into a car accident and wound up having sex with a lot of nurses during an extended stay in the hospital. After all, it's not like he could wander off to the drug store and restock. Be prepared!
oicu812xD 16
If I were the nurses I would have been laughing at the fact that op still used a velcro wallet
qwaszxwesdxc 0
Why was the nurse reaching for your wallet?
MerrikBarbarian 9
Looking for ID and health card so they can pull up his medical records no doubt. Your health card is required for treatment in Canada, unless you want to pay.
Caliborn_06 11
Identification!! Duh!
Ninjasaurus18 9
To check his ID or something.
justhanging 6
The nurses thereafter referred to him as "the optimist."
robinhood007 9
I don't know, but making fun of a guy who got rushed to the emergency room is in bad taste. I hope you're OK dude. And maybe he never got a leather wallet because he likes cows and his old one works just fine. He could also be 16 and I don't think a wallet really matters at that age.
klovemachine 24
agreed :) I hope the OP is ok
benhd1 14
If OP is writing an FML I think he's fine Also, as I have stated in a previous comment, you kinda have to keep things light to keep from going insane as 1 in 3 people who go into the hospital will die
rubberduckie94 13
Did you wreck because you had so many condoms in your wallet they were making you sit crooked? The way it is wrote I picture about fifty condoms flying around.
eman1972 4
If you carry a Velcro wallet, you probably don't need condoms!
Bassist5798 0
why does it matter???? who cares what kind of wallet it is...it's not something u need too spend a lot of money on
benhd1 14
74 Somebody has a Velcro wallet...
Olive75_fml 0
Sue her!! It's your property
Michael_92 20
That's my first thought as well. Sue the people that might have helped save your life. Good idea.
shayshayshazam 14
That doesn't even make sense. She probably needed an Id or healthcare number. Sheesh.
j_cat187 20
#26. You are the reason I am worried about becoming a lifeguard. To save someone's life only to get sued and taken for everything you own.
RedPillSucks 33
I think the "Good Samaritan" law protects lifeguards
HardOrphanMaker 10
dip shit.
shayshayshazam 14
Ohh the irony... All that protection still couldn't stop you from making a trip to the hospital.
RedPillSucks 33
Give him a break. He was probably speeding to finally lose his V card.
MDTeddy 13
How is having condoms suddenly funny? I could care less. So nobody should carry any and we should all go raw?
stash01 0
Guess you were feeling lucky. Too bad you were wrong.