Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML
Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML
Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML
Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card, since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV, a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML
Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML
Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML
Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said, "It's nothing personal." FML
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Top comments
TwitchingNebula 17
Don't keep condoms in your wallet. They dry out and crack and you can get someone pregnant by using them.
rubberduckie94 13
Either the size or the fact op is old enough to drive a car, yet still uses a Velcro wallet.
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Comments (108)
KitaBrah 0
Next time, don't crash your car.
Realreynolds19 0
Why would the nurse want a Velcro wallet..?
that1guyyy 12
I use a Velcro wallet. Damn :(
DocBastard 40
Condoms and loose change? That sounds completely tame to me compared to some of the other stuff I've seen in people's pockets. Besides, they were probably laughing at your driving licence picture.
j_cat187 20
*Opens wallet to find a ham sandwich.*
Epikouros 32
Hm, maybe I don't need to carry a loyalty card that says 'hot & horny gaynight'.
Ambi_Sinistrous 5
At least you gave the gift of laughter to a dark place?
Tali147 16
I agree, if you're old enough that you have condoms in your wallet, the wallet should not be Velcro. Although, it kinda makes sense that there were enough condoms in the wallet that they were spilling out. Maybe if he'd had a leather wallet, he would've had less unused condoms...
TheDrifter 24
17 size xs condoms and $4 in change with no cash or credit cards in any sort of wallet will get you laughed at.
combatbunny 9
How old are these people? What kind of adult laughs at condoms? At least those mean you're getting laid... I think...
RedPillSucks 33
It could have been worse. You could have opened your wallet in front of a Catholic priest and all the condoms flew out. *There you go father. Put the loose change in the collection plate, and help yourself to the condoms. I hear there's some hot nuns around*
LaLaLa_69_s2 5
Hey, atleast you're getting laid.