Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
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Top comments
mrphychrs 5
how can she knows she's doin it wrong if you don't tell her? gotta let her know that kinda stuff bud
teague95 16
Take extreme pain instead of just saying "hey babe use some lube and be gentle"
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Comments (176)
writergirl23 19
Oww!! You don't have to tell her to stop OP, just say, "Babe I like it a little slower."
ADuckOnQuack_fml 0
Assassins Creed preorder? Nice. I did the same.
jeffree_adams 5
Lmao xD
mejiiaa 0
What the actual ****
clarebear14 1
Yeahhh you might want to talk about that one with her... sucks for you though that you have a girl that can't give you a simple handjob :/
dansco 25
Was your girlfriend a nun/virgin or really young? how else could she not know how foreskin & handjobs work?! YDI for not stopping when it hurt!
jackeechan 10
What color?
greenmen 12
Guess her point made not have sex for a while longer
UnluckyDude96 8
Ooh! How painful!
staymintyfresh 13
Why didn't she just give you a bj? I mean unless you prefer handjobs but that would be weird...? I don't know
monkeywrench1 10
I would take a BJ-on-a-stick any day over a had job. I'm right there with you.