Hot boy summer

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I'm a huge fan

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

Caught

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

Slicy slicy

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML