Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I found out a recent hook-up, who’d pounded the fuck out of me until I came all over didn’t get uncomfortable and ghost me “because he was just a fuck boy.” It was probably because a noticeable, large part of the sweat/squirt spot on my bed after, was actually my own piss, I just didn’t smell it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tokintot07 0
well don't **** him if he's drunk. i hope you made him clean it up.
eeeeeeee 5
You 'finally got to?' You sound like a child who's just been allowed to go to the amusement park for the first time. Quit placing so much importance on hooking up with idiots.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
J0yce 0
Uhhh nice dog you have there?
vincespektor 0
who says it's a girl?
yuito90 0
dude. if she can literally **** the shit out of me I wanna get on that ride...
00FireSong00 0
Haha, good luck getting tht nice stain out.
bigdickprick 0
I'm pretty sure the OP is Also a guy and he just futtbucked him in the ass and when he pulled out the suction caused the guy to shit on the carpets... completely understandable.
MtDewAddict 4
YDI for doing some drunk guy who was dumb enough to drive to your house totally blasted. If you really wanted to hook up you should have waited. A dude that drunk = a bad lay anyways.
Hello_Zombie 0
That's what i said
lectricpharaoh 9
That's what he said!
a_peyton 3
Well... brown carpets are hip now, aren´t they? Problem solved.
delfoxio 0
your inconsistant switches back and forth between past and present tenses just shows that you have no idea that the past-tense of shit is shat.
rkuisell 0
who the **** ***** ramdomly?
Hello_Zombie 0
YDI cus u still let him in when he was drunk never do that