Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I found out a recent hook-up, who’d pounded the fuck out of me until I came all over didn’t get uncomfortable and ghost me “because he was just a fuck boy.” It was probably because a noticeable, large part of the sweat/squirt spot on my bed after, was actually my own piss, I just didn’t smell it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML
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Top comments
tokintot07 0
well don't **** him if he's drunk. i hope you made him clean it up.
eeeeeeee 5
You 'finally got to?' You sound like a child who's just been allowed to go to the amusement park for the first time. Quit placing so much importance on hooking up with idiots.
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Comments (132)
lokar_ogar 11
Should have rubbed his nose in it and said bad dog
AshleyLuvsFrank 12
I like how you say "finally" like waiting a few weeks to sleep with someone is a long time. You should wait longer before you allow someone to have something so important.
justsayingbeach 15
#standards
GamerG0DDESS 29
He was drunk and you took advantage of him?! You deserve it for being a rapist, hope he pressed charges.