Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I found out a recent hook-up, who’d pounded the fuck out of me until I came all over didn’t get uncomfortable and ghost me “because he was just a fuck boy.” It was probably because a noticeable, large part of the sweat/squirt spot on my bed after, was actually my own piss, I just didn’t smell it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML
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Top comments
tokintot07 0
well don't **** him if he's drunk. i hope you made him clean it up.
eeeeeeee 5
You 'finally got to?' You sound like a child who's just been allowed to go to the amusement park for the first time. Quit placing so much importance on hooking up with idiots.
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Comments (132)
oped01 8
You should have put his face in it like the mutt that he is and put him out naked in the yard to sleep it off. then dump the mad "dumper".
piinkbunnii 1
Make him clean it up with his tongue。＾－＾
shizzzlerrr 0
how the hell did he have a hard on if he was "sinfully drunk"??
sourgirl101 29
Maybe him being drunk is the only way he would bang you? ; ) Anyways I'm sure he'll dump you 'cause no one wants that on their resume'
hjrn 0
You should have hooked up with him. He obviously wasn't as into the date as you if he had to show up that drunk. YDI.
mattm0294 0
3 steps 1.tear out you carpet, because let's face it you're not gonna wanna deal with the guys crap any more than you have to 2.place douchebag on shitstain and promptly roll him up 3.place your "roll o' douche" in the middle of your nearest walmart, ENJOY! :)
stewpididiot 11
At least you weren't doing 69, or you might have learned the meaning of Shitfaced !!
sugarbabyxoxo 2
# 38... ROFL
sourgirl101 29
#36 Stew! Too funny. Op you were only talking to him for a few weeks and you f**ked him without even going out on a 1st date? Damn you are easy!
atomant138 0
winner winner chx dinner
Rooki_fml 0
that's Nasty. youshoukd of waited to he was a little sobered up.
Diannaa 0
Oh wow.. I hope he didn't feel the need to get drunk in order to want to have sex with you..
stewpididiot 11
at least you weren't doing '69' or you might have learned the meaning of 'Shitfaced' !!!!
STEREOSCOPIC 0
eww u nasty bitch I feel bad for the guy