Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
queenariii 22
Well, did you help him out? At least hold the door open.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I hear that roaches often feed off of other dead roaches. For a feast maybe?
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Comments (44)
MetalxSoldier 26
Do you work at a morgue? Maybe he just wanted to give his friend a proper burial.
jvanevery 19
step on it
wolf_wizard1134 9
no the one case on humanity in a cockroach, take it to a lab to study it's mind. And remember if they become strong enough to send out our nuclear missiles they will become the dominant species *shiver* lol
YveltalLugia 17
"Leave me behind.. I'm too injured.." "I'm not leaving you behind, Private! We leave no man behind! It's either we live together or we die together! We're a family, Private!" Guns shots fly in as enemy cockroaches approach. "Sir.. You must leave me behind.. I can't make it like this.." "Don't speak like that, Private! We will get through this together! We're brothers until the end! I don't care if that towering human steps on us or if we get gunned down by the enemy! We go down together!"
KJ6 21
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Saving private Ryan but with more legs.
shy_guy_no_lie 5
This is beautiful
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Did you do anything to stop Dr Frankenroach or did you just let him doom mankind?
mariri9206 32
Where do you work or, guessing by your username, used to work? So I know to never go there.
Vanderdale 14
Dude, maybe consider an anonymous report to the Health Department? That's pretty gross dude.
nightjay 21
The roach semper fi
Le_ponderer 14
It's time to call the Men in Black...
davidisin 14
Bros don't let bros down
Szaszaspasz 26
Better he drag the corpse of one of his friends, than one of your friends... FYL though.