Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
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Top comments
shadowcalling 0
i kiss my dog all the time and i let her share the bed with me, i don't see what is so gross about it
floresntadolecnt 0
Geez, you make it sound like people are ******* their dogs. A simple kiss on the nose is no biggie, get over it and keep your face away from dogs..seriously.
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Comments (72)
AppleMapple 0
Lol i've never had a dog but i've had a kitty when i was atleast 5- So i don't really remember now i'm 9!
DanyelleH 2
I totally I agree with #2 in everyway. =]
ZacharyorAndrew 0
**** u it sounds retarted
lissa123 2
#44 its spelled 'retarded'.........now who looks stupid
siv97splat 0
ok to all th people saying get a boyfriend, they do t actually sleep with their dogs, which alot of ur sick little minds think they do, but mostly it's like a bed warmer. and how do u know op doesn't already have a husband?? for people saying it's disgusting that they have th dogs in bed, some breeds actually need to be with or even in old age have separation anxiety- like I have vizslas that r attached my mom and when she leaves th house my dogs whine at th window for 10 minutes, and then they get depressed and go lay down on my moms bed until she cones home
danggitserinn201 0
I love it when people say arse instead of ass.. it totally brightens the whole sentence up :D
kenzey4 2
uuummmmm.... get a boyfriend and kiss HIM when you wake up, not your dog cause thats ****** messed up, i hate it when people do that, seriosuly im trying to help you so go find someone, NOW.
BloodyMary666 24
Open ur eyes before u put ur mouth anywhere...
brendonuriepatd 8
I also agree with #2 I love my puppy!
asherah14 7
I don't sleep with my dogs. I never have and never will. My bed is for me and my husband. They have their own bed on the floor a few feet from my bed. I don't want the dirt and germs they get from outside to be on my sheets. I also don't kiss my dogs. I watch both of my dogs sniff and sometimes eat poop outside. There is no way I'd kiss them after knowing where their noses have been. That doesn't change the fact I love them. They get fed great food, several walks every week, trips to the dog park, daily play time with me and regular vet care.
chuckcloninger 12
Kinda like the guy who keeps a bucket of frogs beside his bed and bites the head off of one when he awakes. Surely nothing worse will happen the rest of the day?