Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
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Top comments
Kefka91 15
pick it up Brian. PICK UP MY POO!
afdude87 6
Shitty
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Comments (137)
moogiex9 6
Does it occur to anyone that this is a fake FML? Think about it - a five year old in a schoolyard - where does he magically produce a ziploc baggie from? And, even if he did for some reason have a baggie, this scenario is completely unrealistic. What would be really happening is a bunch of other kids would notice and start screaming and running to tell the teacher, said teacher would come charging over to pooping child and demand to know what he thought he was doing, child would be embaressed and probably start either laughing or crying, but certainly not giving orders.
zniltiaC 19
Yeah that's right bitch, pick up my shit!
krez 20
At least you won't have to worry about getting a ticket when your kid craps on the neighbors lawn. He knows it needs to be scooped up.
beastin34 0
hahaha total win
jess6blondie9 3
^ win
d0gl0ver16 0
how old is he?
kykyshay 0
Oh. I'm sure all kids do that.
laughingman 0
I had to read that twice to make sure you wrote that right at 1st I thought you made it out that the teacher wanted your son to pick it up XD
HomeAl0ne 20
I would have fronted up at the school, sniffed the principal's butt, humped the teachers' leg and then laid down to lick my balls before asking them what the exact problem was. Dogs get away with stuff that would make Charlie Sheen's face melt off.
Lovepink13 0
i like this kid! hes welcome at my school!