Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AlwaysWatching 27
Well you needed to tell him or else you will never be able to have a good time and he will never improve
aruden 25
It has to be done, bad dirty talk is the worst.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (75)
tamesenicole 27
Give him pointers on what you want and it'll be better #constructivecriticism
Plastic_Stitchez 25
Awe :( try and help him get better at it?!
Lexipants 21
What a weiner.
Calingaladha 21
All I can think of is "Yeah...you like that, you ******* retard?" It must have been bad. Still, I feel bad for him.
Calingaladha 21
I guess FML doesn't Reddit much.
89bronco 9
Tell him to stop over thinking it lol
Attacksloth 33
Well, how did you tell him this? I don't imagine anyone but the most sensitive of people breaking down from this unless you told it, stomped on his nuts, and threw iodine in his eyes.
Nessco 36
At least you told him. Now you have to help him do it better so it turns you on instead because it sounds like he likes doing it. Let him have his moment of weakness and then work together to make it stronger and better.
Applehead9001 5
This shouldn't be funny, BUT IT IS! ?
nyxiny 22
In all honesty, telling someone they're bad at something in bed can be really bruising to the ego. Usually it's better to tell them a way in which they can improve and ways you would like it better. Constructive criticism, and all that jazz.
Durantye 8
Dirty talk is less of a thing that you can be bad at and more of a thing that has to be similar to the other persons interests. The only way I can imagine a person 'bad' at dirty talk is if they literally didn't speak correctly/fluently during it. Considering dirty talk is an ENTIRELY opinion based thing.