Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
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Top comments
AlwaysWatching 27
Well you needed to tell him or else you will never be able to have a good time and he will never improve
aruden 25
It has to be done, bad dirty talk is the worst.
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Comments (75)
mstoffel 13
Try talking dirty to him more often and maybe he will pick up on what you like a little bit by what you say to him.
Oyas12 14
"Aww, im so wet right now!" OP: What?
quickit 24
At you least you got it over with. If it's something he really wants to do then give him advice on what to say and how to say it.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You probably shouldn't have just said he's not good, or that he's bad at it. You should've phrased it like, "Could you say things like 'xyz' from now on?"
Exodiafinder687 58
"Baby, I'm going to penis you so hard your pussy will break."
jenjen2633 17
I choked reading that
ComoEsJuan 24
I love you, 14. Thank you.
DrRO93 14
Tell him how to improve
IWishIWasObama 12
ydi for dating a metro sexual man
Chaith 16
You know, it IS possible to dress well and take care of your body without having to break down in tears constantly. Haha. Ditch the unibrow man.
IWishIWasObama 12
unibrow?
ecstasy22 12
Awww.....your boyfriend is madly in love with you for sure
xwingtwo 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He cried? Sounds like you need to find a Real man.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Right, because real men don't cry.
kurodansei 16
That's right! Real Men don't cry. Only the mannequins and action figures.
tdawg91 17
He cried? I guess he is what he eats....
xwingtwo 15
No one said he ate anything. Maybe if he did he'd have a mouth full and no need for dirty talk. Then maybe both would be happy.
Zebediabolical 45
If only he were a cunning linguist...
ThePols 11
Work on your approach. He probably isn't comfortable with doing it and just wants to please you. Just show him how you want it done. Give him examples. Talk to him.