Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML
Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, I found out that my workplace still won't fire my coworker who is extremely rude to customers. Last week, he called a black woman the n-word right to her face. All he did was just get yelled at and told to get back to work. No matter how many complaints, they simply won't fire him. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML
Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML
Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML
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Top comments
Nymeria_fml 25
Assburgers don't sound very appetizing. I wouldn't fire one up either.
devildog562 33
If that's a case he should have the guy medically evaluated. Or at least talk to the guy and try and make it so you don't sue him for a hostile work environment.
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Comments (175)
Nymeria_fml 25
Assburgers don't sound very appetizing. I wouldn't fire one up either.
Ichiya 29
100% authentic anus beef!
False_Stupidity 42
Best served with brown sauce.
danthehuman 29
Poop.
jake238 9
Wait I don't get it. Does OP actually think aspergers is spelled assburgers or does the boss think that?
NeatNit 33
I say either the boss thinks that's how it's spelled, or OP has never heard of aspegers and just typed it up the way he heard it. My bet is on the latter! how would OP learn of his boss's mistake if it were the case?
valalvax 13
More like that's how the boss pronounces it
martin8337 36
Does anyone remember the South Park episode about Cartman's ass burgers?
anonymous1604_fml 19
Best episode ever!
jthmtwin 16
There are quotation marks around it, leading to the conclusion of the co-worker is an ass not some one with the actual syndrome.
tantanpanda 26
it's spelled "assburgers" in south park.
mrtonyanderson 20
Tell him to **** off
devildog562 33
If that's a case he should have the guy medically evaluated. Or at least talk to the guy and try and make it so you don't sue him for a hostile work environment.
sayyestothedress 24
If you want OP, I suggest you ask your boss to change your placement in the building so you don't have to be next to your psychotic coworker!
MidnaLink 35
You have no reason to put up with this. I'd highly suggest a very wide, and hopefully short job hunt. And while he might not have "assburger's", he certainly does have "asswipe" syndrome.
zoegirl_455 30
Was that extra s supposed to be intentional?
johobus28 26
Considering the fact that the "burgers" part would be wrong either way, yes.
zoegirl_455 30
I was being sarcastic but thanks for the clarification :)
Zomg_Okay 27
"Shit my comment backfired. Umm... umm... SARCASM!"
TheNotoriousHGC 15
Dang I accidentally pressed thumbs down instead of up... Add two extra thumbs up!
gradius1002 13
Cartman?
teentee401 37
OP deserves it for working for Eric Cartman
chosha_fml 27
Start recording on your phone every time this coworker is near you, then play the recordings to your boss and say they can be used as evidence if he tries to sue.
ChaoticMC1 10
I bet the boss will say: "Go away with your wiretapping!"
wildsweetchild 19
Get a restraining order on him if he's threatening you, or file a harassment against him.
Soundslikeothers 15
File a harassment suit against the guy and the company.
qdawg06 23
I'm in awe that someone who thinks 'assburgers' is an actual disorder is in an authority position of a business.
ChristianH39 30
Asperger's syndrome is a high functioning form of autism. OP's boss sounds like he's just an asshole though.
xzombietaco 11
Aspergers* is a real disorder. OP just spelled it incorrectly.
Nymeria_fml 25
18, if you don't know why OP put "assburger's" in quotes then I don't think you understood the FML.
xzombietaco 11
19, I must have missed the quotations on my first read. Thank you for correcting me.
mememelll123 8
in England Aspergers is pronounced like 'ass purge-ers'
valalvax 13
No, I really don't think it is
BrotherPhil 35
#87, some people do - it varies. The hard 'g' is German pronunciation, as Hans Asperger was Austrian, but in English the 'e' afterwards usually makes the 'g' soft. To be completely OCD about it, in the UK it's technically Asperger syndrome, as the use of the possessive indicates that a condition is named for the patient rather than the doctor.
chazzywazzy654 22
#87, Actually #38 is right, I live in England, and my brother has Aspergers Syndrome, pronounced by me, my mum, and the SENCO people as "as-purge-ers"
chazzywazzy654 22
Just to clarify the SENCO are the Special Educational Needs CoOrdinator(s)
mememelll123 8
excuse me? I am English and have an education and have friends with Aspergers, so therefore I can safely say that in England most people pronounce it differently..like the way I said.
chazzywazzy654 22
#117 was that to me? Because I was backing up what you said earlier in comment #38
mememelll123 8
no it was to the guy trying to tell me I was wrong! I understand you were backing me up :)
BrotherPhil 35
I hear it both ways - mainly the "right" way from people in the community (eg the support group that I help with, or other campaigners), and with a soft g from the general public. I tend to use it either way my self, depending to whom I am speaking. I wasn't saying that you were wrong, just expanding on the difference.