Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kusje 31
Just ask him to pour the melted chocolate on you, that won't get you into this situation and is probably much more fun for the both of you (:
False_Stupidity 42
That was... sweet of you. I really hope he appreciated the trouble you went to after he heard you and discovered your predicament.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
thenewgirl29 20
Having melted chocolate all over the bed does not sound sexy at all.
heatherrr17 19
Maybe try milk chocolate next time
StarkWolf_fml 23
save....MARTHA!
blueknight1st 26
It's your own fault, white chocolate is disgusting.
Stigmamma 23
Hi, OP here. His Blu-Ray player was skipping the disc so he was cleaning it and decided to watch the warehouse seen while he was at it. To silence the haters it was the Ultimate Version, Batman is epic, and white chocolate is awesome.
ZaiopePerSe 15
but why did you use a seperate account to write this comment?
Tsukiyomi 16
Woah-oh nice move, dumbass
I'madumbass 19
What? What about me?
sks220 6
that movie is horrible, how could anyone have a favorite scene in it? XD
feckarsedrink 9
Seek help