Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn't because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could get me fired. FML
Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML
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Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML
KasiaLilith 13
It is not at all uncommon to feel uncomfortable using a public washroom. If I can avoid pooping in a place, where I have to sit for a while and have no idea who sat there before me.. not to mention the inconvenience of stinking up the place or even worse, making noises while there are other people around..
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Comments (94)
plot41 2
So take two hours off some other time. Better still sort out an interview for another job and take the day off to go to it.
Gittoh 21
like in How I Met Your Mother?
applexj 13
I was thinking that #18 meant the boss was going to have a little "accident".
Headcrab 29
I get where he's coming from. I only poop at work when the choice is either toilet or pants.
s3xygrandpa 5
You shouldn't be too hard on him, that's an actual phobia. He may be completely scared of public restrooms, or he could be afraid of others hearing him go.
TheAv8tor 7
I have the same phobia. I hate public restrooms.
imdabess 9
hey, overtime is overtime and the good news is work brownie points!
Chiikan 3
Actually, that is a real phobia for some. Because of social awkwardness and privacy issues, some people CANNOT pass their motion in toilets other than their own.
spooky655 1
Classic Finch :)
apu_nahasapeemap 10
Your boss needs to man up and learn how to take a dump at work. There are a lot of comments saying "oh but it's a real phobia, yada yada yada!" But y'know what, phobias can be overcome. Freakin' 2 year olds are getting potty trained fer cryin' out loud.