Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my boss was standing behind me, looking at my phone. Why was I writing smut? Did he see? How much did he see? Is he a fan? Why was he even there? I hate it here. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML
Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. The best part is that I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML
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Top comments
sidewaysponytail 0
Maybe you should file a claim....
Savner 16
50 shades of grey is a poorly written **** book based off of the characters in twilight that romanticizes abusive relationships. Yeah great book ._.
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Comments (204)
sidewaysponytail 0
Maybe you should file a claim....
NzaHaFML 13
Act like you're interested and like to listen while taking the longest dump. Might change his mind :)
yahoowizard 16
Maybe it would be sexual harassment...
westcoastkp 13
what kind of boss has time for that?
perdix 31
#24, it would only be "sexual" harassment if you're into blumpkins, Cleveland steamers and Dirty Sanchezes.
HowAreYouToday 34
OP should start masturbating to FSofG...
hockeychicl003 6
37- lots of bosses don't do anything really but supervise haha
llamafish 25
91 - So you're saying they don't do anything then?
Pixie333 6
Your boss, a male, has a copy of 50 shades? I read somewhere that most people who bought it were women over 40...
nickellamelina 6
Woah beyotch u got a lot of thumbs!!!!! NICE!!
MrBoredomioo 18
Boss probably has a wife
PrinceOfBritain 20
Or maybe just poop less?
8Dirty1 24
snitches get stiches
cheekyterier 13
50 Shades of Grey is a great book. Embrace it, your boss will eventually give up..probably.
Savner 16
50 shades of grey is a poorly written **** book based off of the characters in twilight that romanticizes abusive relationships. Yeah great book ._.
mikesvodka 1
Nice to know people aren't able to express their opinions without being knocked down. That's humanity for you.
lelo007 11
This is FML. Unfortunately, many people get knocked down for their opinions. You learn to love it or leave it. But, I agree, I wish somebody would throw a thesaurus at that Mrs. James' head, and maybe a 4th grade English school book.
cheekyterier 13
25&31 thank you for your undertanding! i was trying to be sarcastic, but unfortunatly idiots here dont understand that. that, and people love to hate.
HowAreYouToday 34
I agree with domestic abuse.
HowAreYouToday 34
That's why I enjoy failed erotica novels where the main character is an unbelievable main character and the love interest has the mind set of a mentally scarred teenager.
ShyAnn29 15
19, where in twilight is an abusive relationship?
rsunshine2020 13
#2- What I'm actually curious and slightly worried about is the fact that at 14 you have read fifty shades of grey.
citymayer 7
71 you know that relationship between that vampire and that pasty girl? Thats the abusive relationship. If you can't see it then I'm sorry you think that relationship is healthy and I can only hope that you're relationships aren't abusive.
coolbrony12 3
61-Um you can't simply type sarcasm. People can't tell that you were being sarcasm.
zine_fml 5
Kids start earlier and earlier haha
lelo007 11
71- it is emotional and mental abuse. This is why Bella in Twilight seemed to "die inside" when she wasn't around Edward in the first movie (never wasted my time reading the books, or watched a movie after my ex husband forced me to watch half of the first one), and he used that to his advantage knowing that she couldn't live without him. Pathetic women, in my opinion.
nado13579 12
61- There is no possible way I could read your other comment as sarcasm.
letmehavemytea 21
Are you kidding me? You can fid better smut on the Internet. That book doesn't even have good smut! I've read PWPs with better plot and ****!
ebonyirony 29
It originally was a fan fiction. People call it mommy **** now because mostly mothers read it. I personally find it rather tame.
kjklopu 1
I love reading the replies
A7XfoREVer6 10
That book is terrible. There is so much better smut than that. It has the writing mechanics of a 3 year old.
Palirose 22
73- in all honesty I think they need to start carding ages for certain books. I'm 20, and I couldn't get past the first sex scene in the first book with out wanting to hurl, I didn't find that book a romance novel, just a porno in the form of a book. All I could think of when reading the book was, that it is trash. Children shouldn't be reading smut like that. At all. In my opinion.
hopeholman 6
No one said twilight IS AN "abusive relationship" they said 50 shades is LIKE the characters in twilight but only an abusive relationship! Smh -_-
WhyAmUHere 19
It sucks. No opinion. It just sucks.
DictatorDom 5
I remember my dads girlfriend telling me that the sex scenes weren't even well written, the plot sucked and it was just an all around bad boom.
Trix_Disorder 20
131 - People ALSO say that Twilight contains an abusive relationship, so the possible misreading of that sentence is not at all surprising. I agree with aforementioned people, it's pretty messed up.
Trix_Disorder 20
134 - What a perfect typo (or slang?).
LavenderLunacy14 7
#73, that is exactly what I was thinking.
JulietRose 10
She probably didn't even read it.
bellatrix0805 2
it's a shit book
anyav3 13
Oh thank god! I thought I was the only person who saw the similarity! It's a shit ass book that repeats itself over and over!!
Lionesse 15
50 Shades of Grey has no literary merit to it. It was a complete and utter train wreck. How it made the bestsellers list baffles me. It is nothing more than an amped up Twilight **** book.
pittyfinny 4
Your 14....
panda_burrito 2
I don't know what everybody's talking about, I enjoyed 50 Shades of Grey so much I could only hold it with one hand.
Szaszaspasz 26
If you want to read a good book about vampires; read "Salem's Lot" by Stephen King.
stormchaser24 24
When you go again, drop a apple or something heavy in the toilet and say ahhh. Or just bring earplugs.
Meettitan 14
But..... would you have to go back in for the apple?.... I don't think apples are considered flushable.
AznSamoan52 10
That is a waste of a good apple, sir/ ma'am.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
I've read it, it's disturbing. If he gets near the end you're ******
cmac86 24
That would have to be a pretty powerful toilet to flush an apple. Or at least have a big hole at the bottom.
Sunako_fml 9
Your boss sounds so messed up..
CallMeMcFeelii 14
If my boss even followed me into the bathroom let alone read passages from that book I'd be a bit more than creeped out. But look at the bright side, he isn't reading you bible passages.
HouseElf 13
Holy shit! Praise the lord! Not Voldemort though. Rest in pieces, bitch.
Miswildside 0
One does not simply interrupt potty time.
randii_17 11
Op's boss obviously just really wanted to read the book .
jose562 5
That's ******* hilarious. I think it would probably be funnier if I knew what fifty shades of grey was.
NothernNightmare 18
Very nasty erotica book that the author originally wrote as a Twilight fan-fic.
AwsumShyGuy 12
Take Twilight, and make it 20 times worse. That's 50 Shades of Grey.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That book should be called 50 shades of GAAAAAAAYYY. *insert that seal that shouts "GAAAAAYYY" all the time*
RaggleFrock 13
Or 50 lampshades of grey. It's just a book containing 50 ridiculous grey lampshades.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Dude! This lampshade is grey as ****!" Sorry, but I have to ask: are both 'grey' and 'gray' correct spellings?
skullofdarkness 18
Yes, one is the American spelling of the word, the other is the English spelling. I have no idea which is which. :P
coughyochick 7
I believe so
Sunnyxx 9
Unless I'm mistaken 'gray' is the US spelling, while brits spell it with an 'e'. So technically both are correct, yes. :)
mizzmarie13 1
You're an idiot. Twilight is about vampires. Fifty shades of gray is about normal people with weird sexual habits. The only thing they have in common is that you apparently haven't read either of them
mizzmarie13 1
That was meant for awsumshyguy
llamafish 25
And 50 Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fanfic...as stated by the first reply in this thread.
owo_fml 9
False. The author of 50 Shades literally began it as post-Twilight fanfiction. Edit: above comment beat me to the punch.
__mcgeeski 4
I know, that's what I'm saying!
MrBubblez98 13
Wait... Twilight gets worse?? I thought that was impossible...
AwsumShyGuy 12
Edward Cullen is not a vampire. He doesn't shrivel up in the sunlight, and sparkles in the day. He's just an immortal frilly pedophile with a stupid haircut and glued glitter to himself.
The_Big_Boss 20
Reminded me of Beavis and Butthead when they took "bathroom breaks" for the entire shift and found out it was illegal to be fired for it
dougiewhale 6
Someone wise once said: "don't sweat at work and don't shit on your own time"
j_cat187 20
"I get payed to take a dump?!"
beef25967 2
I hear it's a good book.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You must be deaf.
Popcornography 10
You've been lied to.
KiddNYC1O 22
I've heard otherwise and I'd rather watch Popcornography.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'd rather eat popcornography.
rattusrattus 19
I heard it's a good book... a classic example of How Not To Write Smut.
usmcheins 1
I dont know if its just me but pressure like that would make me take longer
WearingHats 14
Eat nothing but meat. Bring an iPod in with you and watch a movie.
sammicchi 1
Man, that's actually a pretty cool boss.
llamafish 25
No, that's cruel and unusual punishment.
WiseGuy79 14
What an assclown of a boss.. Time for a trip to the HR department!