Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn't because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could get me fired. FML
Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML
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Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML
KasiaLilith 13
It is not at all uncommon to feel uncomfortable using a public washroom. If I can avoid pooping in a place, where I have to sit for a while and have no idea who sat there before me.. not to mention the inconvenience of stinking up the place or even worse, making noises while there are other people around..
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Comments (94)
Ambient25 25
Got a problem? Consult your local politician, at least before I make you walk down the street with 3 shoes. Two on your feet and one in your ass.
shazagurl 11
I have the exact same phobia. I hold it in for hours if I'm not home
papayeya 18
I have this Phobia too.. it is hard for me to go to public toilets :S
Girlie7 11
Lol...did he actually tell you that?he could have just told it was an emergency at home or something like that..
justtheotherguy 12
He should invest in a portable chemical toilet
Sophie_Hart 9
Ask for a payrise everytime he asks.
hoffman136 18
Legit thing lol my husband is the same way. I always laugh at him though
littlekellilee 45
I can relate, I have that fear. For me, my body normally clogs up if I'm not at home or in a private hotel room, but if there's a "stomach emergency" I usually put headphones in and close my eyes, flushing every ten seconds (it's more a fear of people knowing in my case). However, I would never go home and cause an inconvenience unless I had food poisoning. Camping is a nightmare... I can't even go #1 and usually end up driving back to a real bathroom. I've got issues.
EternalRest 5
Actually I think #18 is referencing the overused "I hope you mean ex-boyfriend/girlfriend" line as a joke. I doubt he was being serious.
pdp_fml 21
I know that my son-in-law is like that too!