Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn't because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could get me fired. FML
Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML
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Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML
KasiaLilith 13
It is not at all uncommon to feel uncomfortable using a public washroom. If I can avoid pooping in a place, where I have to sit for a while and have no idea who sat there before me.. not to mention the inconvenience of stinking up the place or even worse, making noises while there are other people around..
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Comments (94)
KeeLady 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a jerk! Makes you wonder how he got such a high position to lie about something so trivial.
KasiaLilith 13
It is not at all uncommon to feel uncomfortable using a public washroom. If I can avoid pooping in a place, where I have to sit for a while and have no idea who sat there before me.. not to mention the inconvenience of stinking up the place or even worse, making noises while there are other people around..
onlychildFTW 34
Really? If he does have a phobia of public bathroom usage then for him it was an emergency. I would never go #2 in public, gross. Also, him getting a high position in a company has nothing to do with this.
ZomBgal 12
I've known so many people like this. It makes me wonder if he is one those people who gets completely naked just to shit, too. What a stinker he is though. I bet he didn't even really have to poo, probably just took two hours to himself.
TwiztedYuri 9
not a lie. I'm the same way. if I really have to go I can sit down on a toilet at work or school and nothkng will happen even tho my stomach is about to explode.
strawberrywine22 30
my husband is the same way. He cannot use a public bathroom except to pee, and when he goes at home he has to take everything off including his wedding ring, and even has to move the bath mat. He can't have anything touching him at all.
8born8 18
I can understand the anxiety and apprehension of using a public toilet at the best of times, but wow 60, that's a whole new level of weird to me. I can't recall ever hearing about anything like that.
Jemm_fml 29
Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML
KasiaLilith 13
I believe most places have separate washrooms for ladies and gentlemen
isuckok 11
Perhaps he is sexually interested in people of the same gender. You never know.
Vashen 5
Or it could have been a unisex bathroom..
Jemm_fml 29
Yes it was a unisex bathroom, the only one of two stalls in that small office block. Nope, not a I'm not gay but man or woman, it's embarrassing having someone run into the stall you had no choice but to take a dump in.
Sandman366 6
Yeah, I often don't care for using public bathrooms, because someone might've peed on the seat or the place smells like someone died...or worse. I once accidentally broke a toilet by putting the seat down too quickly - parts of the bowl broke off into the toilet. (I didn't even know that was possible!)
Jemm_fml 29
POWER POOP
Ambient25 25
Try and find a way to hide his keys next time, and once he's forced to use it, get back at him by making sure there is no TP in the work bathroom
iamtheinsomniac 11
That is, if you plan on getting fired.
emirie 21
Maybe he should be the one in charge of cleaning the work bathrooms. No more reason for him to have such a fear.
blackrose3033 4
I'd still consider you a good employee for doing that. Not many people would give up two extra hours for their boss. Honestly I hate doing #2 anywhere but at home too so I feel his pain.
amtkldr 9
Phobias are irrational and people who don't have one don't understand the intense anxiety they feel. Try not to judge your boss too hard, OP! It was really nice of you to work extra hours.
Sports_guy3 28
#6- Same here. I understand.
qassaq 14
That man needs some serious help. Did he ever leave his hometown? I guess no business trip for that guy.
TheDrifter 24
There has to be a name for that phobia. A lot of people are deathly afraid of public washrooms. Me, I prefer them. Why stink up my own house when I can inflict that torture on unsuspecting strangers?
TheDrifter 24
*There has. Edit no longer likes me.
Ambient25 25
Can't tell if bro rape....or a cat and dog messing around
TheDrifter 24
Baustigt just likes it rough. That's why we had to muzzle him.
catharsis5 9
#8, It's people like you that I don't want to poo in public in the first place.
BadApple88 29
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
KasiaLilith 13
You won't be too upset, when you get some extra "emergency" pay OP! Hopefully your boss will appreciate your work!
sunnyray812 42
I hope he pays you a little extra.