Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I went to open my bedroom curtains while still in my pajamas, which, in my defense, were just a very oversized T-shirt. I didn’t realize the window cleaners were outside until I heard one of them say, “Morning!” We made prolonged eye contact before I slowly closed the curtains like I was lowering the lid on my own coffin. FML
Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML
Today, I was walking past a restaurant to my car. Some man who was sitting on the patio went completely out of his way to walk through the restaurant, out the door, and follow me halfway down the street, just to tell me that my hair was ugly, my makeup was too thick, and my dress was “slutty.” FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML
Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
I would tell him that his services are no longer required at your place. What an ass.
Cor1nn4 10
He's got problems
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Comments (94)
dontkilljay 14
Because there's nothing that'll make the panties drop like cleaning windows for a living. I bet he just can't keep the ladies off him. He's probably just used to really thirsty bitches, OP, cut him some slack..
ShadowWolfoxImp 18
he has to have been a troller, a very stupid one.
EpicSquishii 21
*troll. Not troller
ShadowWolfoxImp 18
Ah. Okay. I guess I wasn't thinking when I posted that. I was thinking of "troller" as "one who trolls" But then... After the editing period had expired, I thought, oh right... A troll is one who trolls.
MWidderAUDI 14
uhh, what?
ShadowWolfoxImp 18
Was it really that hard to understand? My brain went back to elementary thinking, a conductor is one who conducts, a runner is one who runs, etc. This was before I had eaten and I wasn't at my brightest. My brain figured, Troller is one who trolls and that's what I put. I didn't think that a troll is the right term. I don't know why so many were so negative... to have buried my original comment... And I hadn't realized what my mistake until AFTER the two minute period for editing passed. And I felt it would have been stupider to post another comment under my original one. Sorry that my second comment was confusing. And thank you, and the others who post replies under my comments, for not being rude like I've seen others be on this site.
lionkat456 28
I am too lazy to read that whole thing all I know is that it was another elementary school lesson XD
emmmmmmii26 11
Poor fella! He has some major issues!
ManInTheMachine 20
Don't mind him, he's just bitter that his life isn't straight out of a porno. He's probably also a pool boy, a cable guy and a pizza delivery man.
megstiel 16
Pizza delivery? Like cas...
demonmonkey 13
Don't forget a plumber and doctor!
Ella_fml 17
Yikes, I think his life sucks more than yours if he has to resort to putting people down and pretend he's got girls lining up for him just to make himself feel better about being a lonely window washer, his highest achievement.
andits 21
He probably wishes his dumbass could have you. But he's insecure cause he knows its never gonna happen and makes it worse by insulting you! There goes his chances out the window he was cleaning
TKay916 15
He definitely wants you.
Fsvb 32
Well, I can't say I disagree with the "Putting up a show" thing. I personally think make up, and any form of it, is literally paint on your face and is therefor fake. People always hate me for this opinion, but if you think about it, wouldn't the world of female body-issue's be a lot nicer without make up (and photoshop and all such things)? Even without the little things?
924halle 8
I don't think so. It's hard to call makeup "fake" because it implies a lot without any explanation. What do you mean by fake? Is it fake to alter your appearance? Then why wear clothes other than what covers you to the point of modesty, why style your hair, why shave? It's a form of expression for lots of people, it emphasizes your beautiful features (eg mascara draws attention to your eyes) and covers blemishes (I don't consider myself to be defined by pimples, why should I be ashamed of covering those up?), and can be really enjoyable. It's only detrimental to your self image when you feel "ugly" without it (though fair enough, most young girls do). Yes, photoshop creates false standards, I agree 100 percent. But don't pass judgement over girls that want to wear makeup.
EpicSquishii 21
So women shouldn't shave, use deodorant, wear bras, etc. either using that logic. Women who use makeup aren't any different from guys who gel their hair or shave their face. It's just a way to either boost confidence in ones own level of attractiveness or to stand out in a crowd. Neither are bad things.
bunny911 16
I believe that's 'two-bit *****'.
Fsvb 32
Yup, just what I was saying. If I put on just a little eyeliner, I already look so much different. I do believe altering your appearance is fake and I don't like any form of it, just like push up bra's or whatever. I do agree that shaving is also fake in a form. But for me, it's different because we all know that girls have hair, while with make up, a lot of guys don't realize what it can do to someones appearance. And I don't really judge people/women for wearing make up, never said that. I'm just stating what I think of it, don't feel so offended.
thatnucca 36
One man's don't is another man's do...
PunkySpunky78 15
To op I would said show? Then pay up! This "show" is not for free!