Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I went out to buy my wife some flowers and a chocolate bar that I overhead she liked the other day. On the way home, I was complimented on the bouquet I chose and feeling pretty good about myself. When I got home it turned out I got the wrong kind of flowers and the wrong percent of dark chocolate. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML
Today, I thought I would be cute for my one year anniversary with my girlfriend, so I cooked a three course meal for her with candles and rose petals on the floor. She loved the dinner, except now she's passed out in a food coma upstairs while I'm left with the dishes. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Suddenly, my Valentines Day of a microwave frozen dinner, watching news of the unraveling of the Trump disaster presidency and Internet **** suddenly doesn't feel like the worst there was. I might fire up an extra Hot Pocket!
SlugsOnDrugs 13
You couldn't have foreseen or prevented any of that! Well except maybe your smell... hopefully she appreciates your thoughtfulness though!
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Comments (29)
edmunson 22
You tried...was she that ungrateful? Her loss!
Catdragon 40
how could you ever be grateful for ass smell?
rivenrock 14
Did he even smell or is he just describing her facial expression when she knocked him back.
SlugsOnDrugs 13
You couldn't have foreseen or prevented any of that! Well except maybe your smell... hopefully she appreciates your thoughtfulness though!
abut95 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ungrateful b*tch.
RichardPencil 32
Suddenly, my Valentines Day of a microwave frozen dinner, watching news of the unraveling of the Trump disaster presidency and Internet **** suddenly doesn't feel like the worst there was. I might fire up an extra Hot Pocket!
shortcake563 21
I'd definitely call the company you ordered ur flowers from and b!tch that's bs and u deserve ur money back for those!
shamutrainer2b 23
What show?
dietcoke09 25
Valentine's Day isn't the only day of the year you get to be romantic. It's a sweet gesture. I'm sure she knows she's lucky. Make it up to her later! ;) (after you shower)
rivenrock 14
I really don't understand people that can't just laugh off a night like that. You tried, OP, and that should matter.
Luxxi 18
Aww, she should really appreciate all that you tried to do to make it a great Valentine's Day!
marcranger 29
This is at least 75% YLIF. I'm reserving judgment on the last 25 until we know why you smelled like a trapped shart, however.