Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Next time you're cold, try sticking your head in the oven.
anorexicbarbie 8
Chicken
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Comments (103)
WhatTheFuq 0
me me. I want a hug!!
BigEV 0
Any other bright ideas, OP?
Blacksabbath211 9
try a sweatshirt or hot drink in the future...like when you regain feeling in your hand...eventually.......ydi
robc32ca 4
"accidentally"? really? please don't reproduce...
BigEV 0
Darwin Award time?
DocBastard 40
This would be an award winner only if OP had panini'ed his panini, if you catch my drift.
BigEV 0
Thus rendering him unable to reproduce. Such a story would qualify for an award.
smashgrab 0
Doc never fails to make me chuckle! I salute your witty greatness!
Draminicaus 0
If she Panini'ed.....her nipple? lol
dicklover69 0
You so dumb. My grandma would have known better and she have no hands
zarii 0
am pretty sure u didnt feel cold after that :P
Anti09 1
Everybody participating in that combo meme was retarded. Props @C-C-Combo breaker guy. Oh, and YDI OP. You're retarded as well, for burning yourself on what is probably the simplest piece of kitchenware ever invented.
sallen0046 4
Invest in a jacket, idiot. It's a toaster oven, not a heater. It's November, dress appropriately and you won't have an issue.
besosforme 26
OP, I'd say your mission was accomplished now, wasn't it? I bet your hand had never been warmer.
sammy22 0
and if your really smart, go to the bathroom n stick your hands under the heaters cuz we all know our world is trying to be green by having them in there.