Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Maybe think about brushing your teeth will trigger a dream for that then you wouldn't be turned down...
zahra_786 19
Thankfully it was just a dream, and you'll be prepared to prevent such occurrence in real life :p
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Comments (41)
ThatFafHippo 6
Are we all just going to ignore the fact that his username is 'mouthwash'?
diving_fml 30
you should brush, floss, mouth wash and see a dentist then..... just to make sure you're good
kerstileann 26
im really tired of these types of fmls
apineapple 40
Takes "not even in your dreams" to a whole new level.
therealtixe 8
What about is not **** block more of Relationship worthy :)
jDsaasy 2
Well that was quite an entertaining story
KingreX32 21
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
samboodeee 4
i dont think you have to do anything there is a way to dream you can always think about something you desperatly want and BOOM it's there in your dream but of course when your in bed and want to sleep at night
Vlen_fml 20
i've had that dream. never got **** blocked though, since i actually prefer snuggling a cutie to sex. win-win situation usually
Virtual_BS 13
Be grateful. If that didn't happen, you may have woken up all sticky.