Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML
Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML
Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML
Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant, and I saw my friend. When we made eye contact, I made a creepy face at her and twitched my arms to make her laugh. A woman looked over said sadly, "Oh my God, that poor girl!" She thought I was "special." FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML
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Top comments
brohamas16 7
Hah I'd make my kid do the same thing
Pleonasm 36
Slenderman: Origins
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Comments (145)
samasara 20
He wants the v.
gc327072 31
No.
MormonPornstar 7
Yes.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
^ I guess the Mormon pornstar would know all about "wanting the v."
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I want some T. But then I'd have to P. Okay I'll stop.
Iknoweverything 29
DON'T... BLINK!
FlyinTurtle 7
Don't blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink. Good Luck.
GraceMarieC 13
YES! I was hoping someone would make a Doctor Who reference!!
MindFreakazoid 10
And DON'T look them in the eye! Stare at anything but the eyes!
MrSassypants 34
I'll stare at their stone boobs. What are they going to do about it? Nothing.
Mollietheninja 5
:D
ALlamaOnFire 20
I HAVE BEEN DIRECTED HERE FROM MY COMMENT ON #3 Woooo! Doctor Who! Did you know that it is Matt Smith's 30th birthday today?:)
daringtoride 27
That reference is ******* amazing. I love that show. 'Bye, Ponds :(
Inediblepeaches 15
Dammit 14, I was going to say that x3 Meh, guess I shoulda assumed other, more awesome and quick people would ha- *blinks* ....I'm in 1969.... Hey! I might be able to live long enough to comment this first! :D
Chanti_fml 26
My sisters kid does that also...hilarious! Really don't see why this is an FML!?!
qwillis98 20
He can't move closer if you stare back (0.0)
maddygirl820 10
I want this kid to be mine
DocBastard 40
How is it not hilarious that a little kid was able to get the better of two adults? Oh right - because it is.
keeper801 8
Parenting win!
perdix 31
You've got to stare the little bastards down. Looking away shows weakness and encourages your enemy to come dominate you.
Welshite 40
You go to the playgrounds to assert your authority don't you?
perdix 31
Yes, I wear my mirror aviator sunglasses and tote my electroc cattle prod when I go. I always go to the front of the line at the monkey bars. ;)
maddy23a 5
Slenderman !
amandarrr 3
I don't see how this is an Fml.