Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
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Top comments
accioshannon 17
Well, she doesn't seem boring!
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Just a little grocery shopping, nothing to get all worked out about. I love the smell of cardboard and new books, I'll give em a whiff or two while I shop. Nothing wrong with that.
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Comments (150)
ant1078 7
this isn't the kind of freaky you're supposed to be searching for op...
oneshot101 0
She is perfect!
Aug1508 9
Well you shouldn't be stalking her!!
amandajlucas2015 2
Exactly how long were u following her around watching her before u decided to say hi.. Because the dog food and kitchen appliances are not on the same isle.. So maybe ur the creepy one
xNephilim 19
Maybe, just maybe, OP didn't follow her but just happened to stumble across her being freaky twice? I know I see people usually at least twice at the grocery store, even if it's Walmart.
joethebiden 8
Wild one. Put a ring on it. You (possibly) won't regret it.
perdix 31
Get "Fifty Shades of Grey" and consider it her Owner's Manual. If you can convince her you are also into leather and knives, you can have a hot girlfriend, but the kind you don't bring home to Mother. . . ;) (weeenk!)
AussieChild 22
This is just a normal shopping day in Australia, sheeshhh.
olpally 33
If she knew you were stalking her, props to her getting you off her back, creeper... If not, well, she's just a strange person then... Lol.
Gordon12345 7
I don't think he was stalking her, he probably just noticed her there and wanted a chance to talk to her.
olpally 33
That's why I listed both suggestions... His username is a bit revealing though. "Grocerystalker" lol. I don't doubt he was trying to talk to her, but the username suggests otherwise.
Gordon12345 7
I never noticed his name, thanks! It's just I noticed many people use the word "stalker" as a euphemism for "person who likes me but I don't like back".
olpally 33
You're welcome and it's completely understandable you'd think about it that way. Agreed.
Miooow 16
You better be careful! Watch out!
bugmenotmofo 34
Sounds like a normal girl to me. Some people like knives and smell of meat, you know.
rhidiculous 4
She must be part werewolf.