Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
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Top comments
accioshannon 17
Well, she doesn't seem boring!
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Just a little grocery shopping, nothing to get all worked out about. I love the smell of cardboard and new books, I'll give em a whiff or two while I shop. Nothing wrong with that.
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Comments (150)
skyeyez9 25
Sucks when reality ruins your perceived image of someone. My friend and I used to have a huge crush on this guy whose younger brother went to our school. We were at his house (the hot guy was not there) and talking to his brother. My friend and I had a discussion if Ryan...the object of our ridiculous crush was a "boxers or briefs" guy. We both snuck into his room and opened his dresser drawers and checked. He was a tighty whighty type.....but EVERY single pair of his underwear had poop stains in them. So that ruined our fantasy of the hawt star football player in our school. From then on, every time I saw Ryan at school, I remembered his poop stain undies.
brandonwong 18
Sounds like my kind of woman....
photoquilty 6
What are the chances she knew you were watching and was trying to turn you off, OP?
BananerzFresh 12
She was just making sure the products were worth purchasing.
TKA2012 6
Judgemental?
Connect 10
Definite crazy person right there.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Sounds like you had a lucky escape. It would have been a FML if you ended up dating, and woke up to find her stroking your face and licking a knife blade.
angel55033 12
I was going to mention stalking but your name already covered it
angel55033 12
She may have a dog & certain smells of dog bones are nasty so smelling one isn't a big deal and the knives maybe she likes cooking & wanted to know how sharp or the quality. You stalked & made assumptions about someone while shopping & you think SHE has problems? Judging someone upon looks what a catch you are!
simoncat 11
Give her a bone of your own. Hide the knives well, though.