Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
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Top comments
JustinThunder 8
Apparently she couldn't keep him up either.
Anupants 0
That is a no bueno.
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Comments (260)
BLACKSAGE 4
Your boyfriend is sprung and a pussy
Itwasover 7
It was that bad? Get a banana and start practicing
HappyPickles 11
sounds like he's just not over his ex. I mean, how many distinctly different ways are there to giving a *******? Put dick in mouth; move tongue; move mouth...
Lintu_26 23
That sucks...FYL indeed...I think the bf shouldn't be in a relationship if he feels the need to compare and then TELL OP during such an intimate moment...if he felt bad, then I can't imagine how awkward and bad she felt...O.o
StuuPididiot 4
what a LOSER dump him and all his baggage!
skwonkie 4
Sounds like his long lost sweetheart is a dude.
reedyii 1
Come blow me. I won't go limp until you swallow!!
xavierpineda2 4
lose the zero and get with the hero.
tatianaw 0
You really need to talk it out with him. Cause if he's crying over his ex, you might have some issues.
DamnSmooth 0
Start to lovingly refer to him as "Captain Fagmaster.". When people ask why, clue them in on the situation. Afterwards, comfort him & tell him even his parents agree the world would be a better - & less whiney - place without him. (This seems cruel, but at least NOW he has a legitimate excuse to uncontrollably sob like an idiot.)
hotPinklipstick 24
^ see perfect use for sammich, and it's good advise for the girl as well :)