Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
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Top comments
JustinThunder 8
Apparently she couldn't keep him up either.
Anupants 0
That is a no bueno.
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Comments (260)
DynamicDave 11
Nothing wrong with a little tooth action :) It's when she drags them that it becomes an issue!
bizarre_ftw 22
Fail!!!!!!!
perdix 31
Yuck, it must have tasted like durian-flavored gum. If you ever decide to see that limp pussy again, make sure you wear a bra that easily pops off. If he struggles with that, the whiny, little teaty-baby may have another hissyfit.
raphanne_fml 33
You talk a lot about durians.... you have a thing for them, don't you?
perdix 31
Kind of, I just learned about them. I'm not sure you can even get them in the US. I find it hilarious that there is a fruit that stinks so much that you can't bring it on to buses or trains. So, until I find an opportunity to use "plump humpa" or "blumpkin" or "sammiches" in the near future, this may be my current theme.
hotPinklipstick 24
next time do your damn job and bring the boy a sammich, then he won't go limp in your mouth. what are you doing out of the kitchen anyways.
raphanne_fml 33
Yeah I recently found out about them too! I had never heard of durians in my country either, but well where I come from we don't need them to stink up places, we have cheese :D
salvorican 24
Maybe you're the long lost childhood sweetheart.. Omg reunited at last :O
laceyanneman 7
What? No
sameo337 0
Lol ima liar
helper420 0
Yeah I feel everybody on that one childhood bj?
zembof 3
Bitch btw I'm talking about u not him
hahalaughing 0
tell him to suck it up and get it up(:
Beebow_fml 5
Most men can't reach far enough to suck it up, but we always try.
DrewsFML 8
Aww, at least you know he's not a heartless douche that's just in it for the sex, but a guy capable of real intimacy and caring, and once you break through and gain his trust he'll be a keeper. [ Disclaimer: as a guy, even I threw up a little in my mouth as I proofread my embarrassingly sappy/romantic post, but I'm sticking by what I said, I think there's some truth to it. ]
kut19 6
Wow. That's...graphic.
jaff23 11
I was about to say the same thing!