Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML
Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML
Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
That blows.
rosie981 3
That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....
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Comments (175)
SooperSuper 2
Oh my god.. Lol This is why i'm grateful i have a car.
coolidgesmith 2
I hope when you bought your car you told the dealer you were buying it because you were afraid of auto-fellatio on the subway. I really do.
mario2012 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That sounds hot.
tennisrapper1 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No it doesn't? Lame sarcasm use there buddy. Watch and learn: The way he bent over like-a BAWSS and burned his own dick with the fast up and down movements of the head looked SOOOOO attractive, even to straight men. That woulda turned anyone on, oh yeah. ^Anyone's fetish
lostinlabels 8
Wow. You showed him.
Pogox 5
Hey Mario and Luigi? Both of you shut the hell up, you just sound stupid.
perdix 31
You should have pushed his head down (or pulled the little one up.)
tennisrapper1 14
Forced deepthroat? Could be liable for damages to the vocal cords. Wouldn't want to shock him from that intense pleasure...
perdix 31
If you break his neck achieving a successful docking maneuver, he would have wanted to go out that way.
tennisrapper1 14
His dick has to be REALLY hard for that to happen. xD
tennisrapper1 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'd suggest you not join him... He might have STDs and risking getting one is not advised. Seriously though, that's gross. I'd move if I were you; those seats are empty for a reason.
AGhost5445 25
Why would she want to join him?
tennisrapper1 14
Someone doesn't understand sarcasm. ^
KeyboardWarrior 10
That wasn't really sarcasm, friend. Unless of course, you're implying OP SHOULD join him, in which case I stand corrected. But, that's highly unlikely.
Enslaved 38
Guess that yoga class paid off!(:
tennisrapper1 14
From what he learned, he might as well be the instructor by now...
quite_bored 9
Obviously they haven't paid off if he was merely trying.
olpally 33
Quagmire is really out of control lately... Lol. Careful op, he's into some freaky shit. Run away fast!
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Giggty giggty goo ohh right;)
br0ccoli 15
In New York, that's a common rule: If the subway car is full and you "luckily" found two empty seats, don't sit on them. It's either doused in bodily fluids or the person next to it wants to douse it in bodily fluids. In my mom's case, she sat next to a guy with a massive amount of head lice crawling in and out of his hairline.
gracehi 33
I actually think that may be more disgusting than the situation in this FML. At least attempted self pleasure isn't contagious.
Ray_of_midnight 23
This whole scenario just screams "1970s New York City", doesn't it? :-/
MontanaBlaq 9
NO! IT DOESN'T
Petunia888 13
If he could successfully do that, he'd never need to leave the house!
perdix 31
Instead of judging people for trying to reach their dreams, you ought to consider dropping a few hundred pounds so you don't need two seats on the subway.
elephantsarecute 16
I would imagine you may not use public transport much, because the general rule is to look before you sit.