Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML
Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML
Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
That blows.
rosie981 3
That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....
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Comments (175)
rosie981 3
That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....
MrCatman1125 2
What does Fellate mean, and don't tell me to Google it.
Marelena20 23
oral sex
singerlove 14
At least he didn't ask for help?
RussianFox 13
Always look before you sit OP that's grotesque.
SaturnV 25
New to the Internet? This seems rather tame, comparatively.
JackeeDawn 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Thank you for sharing OP... I could have gone my whole life with out knowing that story. I don't know if I will ever bramble to eat subway again.
Shadomasta 5
^ I see what you tried to do there...
br0ccoli 15
You haven't been on FML long.
Dracoboxer357 36
47- Well, at least not since that post about the guy driving with his wife when she decides to pull out her currently-being-used tampon and throws it at the car beside them. :p That was the last really tasteless FML that comes to mind. :p
misterjez 15
Or the girl switching out her used pad in the theater during a movie....
thgiL 9
Shoulda lent him a hand OP lol
br0ccoli 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
55-For 'sho. Girls are gross. Well, some. A large majority of gross things in life and in FML are because of girls. ***If you're squeamish, don't read beyond this point. *** A few years ago, a girl changed her tampon (friend's friend) at my apt and she left her bloody, disgustingly smelly tampon in the garbage, out in the open. In public bathrooms, I've seen bloody graffiti on the walls and fecal abominations all over the floor, walls and flush lever. I really don't get why it has to get to that point of grossness.
PinkieKeen 20
OR the lady switching her underwear in public on the sidewalk.
coolidgesmith 2
121: What'd you want her to do, leave it on your counter? In your sink? Assuming it wasn't flushable, which not all are.
itsharkley 8
:megusta:
vintage_doll 6
You say that you could've gone without reading this story, but no one told you to log onto FML, knowing the type of stories that are here. Secondly, OP was referring to a form of transportation..not food.
iloveshim 14
The girl could've wrapped the tampon in toilet paper so it wasn't so out in the open.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
If she was a proper girl she would've wrapped in toilet paper and spray something. And if it stinks that bad, her vag is sick. It shouldn't have a strong smell.
lazyfoo92 4
no shit?!?
XxFA1LxX 4
It is about the mode of transportation subway, not the restaurant chain 'Subway'.
erjgyflover 18
121- in the garbage is not really out in the open, and where would she put in? On your welcome mat?
leahkasscar 11
It means to put ones penis into your mouth
rosie981 3
That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....
vcapelo 19
You didn't help him?
Ch0sen 13
He doesn't achieve autofellatio anymore if OP pitches in.
lostinlabels 8
If he was into that it wouldn't be an fml.
onlychildFTW 34
That's a odd thing to do when alone, let alone out in public. It's probably better for OPs health to not do it do some random guy on the subway.
RustlingSoul 26
You think?
jacob128 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Fellate?
SooperSuper 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Lol. I thought the same thing
alicemay 5
Give himself oral
lostinlabels 8
Ask your mom?
JackeeDawn 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How the hell is that even possible? I didn't know men could bend that way.
slimshadyfan123 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I shove marbles up my brother's asshole while I try to fellate myself, it's fun.
nina21194 12
Yep. If they get their bottom 2 ribs removed.
Dekarian 7
41, That's a myth. It's all about flexibility and/or penis size.
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
I can do it but it hurts me
iFizzgig 11
52- cool story
Slender_Man 6
Self bj
dogpup4 23
10 years old?
Dunvanation 4
Oh crap! An fml official! ^
Sirin_fml 47
Oh no! Get the bear traps!
BradTheBrony 19
#43 Hey, the belly plays a big part too! Beer-bellied folks can't do it.
ant1ion 12
90 knows from experience
Popcornography 10
Dear mods, Are we ever going to be able to vote on your comments? :)
coughyochick 7
Suck his own D
TheDrudgeChild 4
106 - Many of the idiots on here would abuse that privilege.
fbear10 5
I dont care if you thumb me down for this , but if this person didnt understand what that meant obviously he or she is gonna ask :/
Shrike 24
^ GTFO, troll.
slipmaster 6
haha peole speak first think later
quite_bored 9
125, some people type and proofread never.
nora6699 4
Tmi
ww2freak 6
I bet it does
panda_burrito 2
Thank you.
max_attack_4 0
That's gross.
flutter4 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
At least you got a seat even if it was gross
starsfan_9 7
5 - You're a glass half full kind of guy, aren't you?
Awkward_Science 2
I think the glass is half full of himself.
MyNameIsViet 15
Nah, he's a glass half empty headed kind of guy.
flutter4 7
I'm a girl
asoptavlo14 6
^ Combo breaker.
xXCherrryBombXx 6
I think everyone missed the sarcasm there...
DracoSpirita 21
That's simply disgusting. I hope you called the guards and told them what he was doing.
MURIKKA 11
Called the guards? It was a subway, not a medieval castle. You don't have a bunch of guards within shouting distance on a subway...
DracoSpirita 21
In the state where I live, there are no subways. I wasn't sure what the people who keep peace on them are called. I apologize if I offended you in some way.
Feared 9
61- It offends me when people apologize for possibly offending, when they know fully well that what they said wasn't offensive, but rather unintentionally idiotic.
DracoSpirita 21
66 - I was being sarcastic when I apologized. :P We really need a sarcasm font on here.
lostinlabels 8
He's called Batman.
equius4life 8
doesn't everyone have a medieval castle in their subway system? oh no am I different D: I tried so hard. Dave Strider
EmberEyes 16
Oh dear.
Dracoboxer357 36
9- You ma'am, definitely have the gift of understating situations. ;)
ebonyirony 29
And you went so eagerly, too.
EmberEyes 16
Why thank you sir!
texashater75 16
That blows.
XxEP1CFAC3xX 4
Hahahahahha XD I think that's the best comment to date I've ever read on this site X'D
ztl 2
I see what you did there. ;)
ManicGypsy 22
#12 wins the internet! Epic win. OP, I am so sorry that you had to witness that.
podsy 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well fallate means to distract. Dont know what you ment by this post
cumminsdiesel 1
fEllate means ********
lostinlabels 8
I don't know what you meant by that comment.
cumminsdiesel 1
look at the spelling of the word in comment and post
lostinlabels 8
Oh no, I meant #13.
Bluefrog9636 7
I'm sorry, I guess the guy has a fetish for Automobiles..
KiddNYC1O 22
Huh?
Pogox 5
Just shut your ******* mouth.