Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML
Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend. When his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and I thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away, I heard her say, "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
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Top comments
Sekkaichi 12
Were you wearing the anklet from Ghana?
MeowZebraMeow 7
I suggest you marry into that family. Think of how amazing it will be at holidays. "I don't pass the potatoes to ******".
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Comments (90)
perdix 31
"I do all the time. You do know your son likes filthy, kinky threesomes, right?"
rabidpeach 5
this one is better. thx fot comming back. and fml can suck ut for not offwring spell scheck on wndkows phone.
Zomg_Okay 27
77 - Alternatively, you could just learn to ******* spell. The rest of us get by just fine without spellcheck.
rt567 15
wow some people can be very judgemental.
fml0505 22
Did you ask if she would take a hug instead? It sounds like she needs one.. ****.
cieloalicia 16
You said she looked you up and down.. We're you wearing something to give that impression?
cieloalicia 16
were*
cieloalicia 16
Woah that was supposed to go on a different one, I apologise
cieloalicia 16
You said she looked you up and down.. were you wearing something to give her that impression?
Alihb 16
prob not, just the moms being a condescending b****
TwinkleToes7 15
Well maybe she said that because of how you were dressed? But if she was just being mean then that's extremely rude...
tehdarkness 21
What were you wearing?
indianagirl3077 8
Wow ! How rude .
fatlemonjefferso 8
That's just wrong and you don't deserve that at all. I'd always scold my mother if she was even the least bit snooty about my girlfriends. My father used to think "He's either really brave or has a good exit strategy!" :)
smacky187 9
Well was she right?