Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML
Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend. When his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and I thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away, I heard her say, "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sekkaichi 12
Were you wearing the anklet from Ghana?
MeowZebraMeow 7
I suggest you marry into that family. Think of how amazing it will be at holidays. "I don't pass the potatoes to ******".
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (90)
1217jonathan 15
Sounds like a great family
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Insert Ashton Kutcher BUUUURN! face.
jjessen 20
At that point I would have turned to the boyfriend and said, "would you care I drop kicked this bitch?"
alexhaz64 4
I am totally picturing Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development saying this.
droidlover 14
Haha sucks
Pstraka6 20
The lady hasn't even met you before! Maybe she shouldn't be so quick to cast the first stone considering you extended oit your hand! No worries though, she'll relize that in short order when you're nicer than her
ArielTheMermaid 17
Some people are just so damn rude. I hope your boyfriend stuck up for you. That's absolutely no unacceptable
doodlecloud 27
I hate to stick up for someone who seems this horrible but just saying - we have no idea what OP felt it was appropriate to wear for such a meeting. Granted, even if OP was dressed as a total **** then the mum should've just bitten her tongue till she got to know her better, but, it could go some way to explaining her reaction if OP did decide to wear something completely inappropriate for the situation.
kelseythompson 27
I would've then promptly punched her in the throat
Sinamoi 18
Actually I would suggest setting her down and talking to her about what you can do to better your image for her. Then you chop the bitch in the throat.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Why would you need to set her down? Personally, I wouldn't have picked her up in the first place...
AninOnin 24
I would actually have taken my hand back and been like "Whew! That's good, cause I don't shake hands with bitches."
MeowZebraMeow 7
I suggest you marry into that family. Think of how amazing it will be at holidays. "I don't pass the potatoes to ******".
dalink 24
Or "I don't ever visit a *****'s house". Mother-in-law problem solved. Winning.
MeloTooNice7 7
Well... What is that saying about her son?
Sekkaichi 12
Were you wearing the anklet from Ghana?
Coolaaron88 9
FML references FTW!
Pussycat86 18
Was thinking the same thing hahahahaha
Astarea 22
I was going to comment that as well. XD
slacker_69 6
wow how did we all think that?
Wimoweh 10
WE'RE IN THE MATRIX, THAT'S HOW!
morella_xx 29
Thank you for making a reference to another FML that's along the same theme, rather than just shoehorning one in for the hell of it.
mn_shr 22
I loved that
ttr125 10
Smack the bitch!
zandalee 20
Or at the very least kick her the shins!
Marmarfarfar 25
You should have said 'It takes one to know one'.
jatinbhanot 6
Now that's a comeback.. no kickin.. no punchin.. no offensive words.. pure darn sarcasm and wittiness RIGHT IN THE FACE!!
shaww 28
Dont worry, A LOT of parents are like that. If they dont like you, they'll do whatever they can and want to get you away from their son/daughter :)