Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML
Today, my wife asked for water, complaining about being thirsty. I got off the couch, walked two rooms over, got a jug of water from the fridge, and came back. She spent the entire time ranting about how thirsty she was, and when I handed her the water, she set it down and continued to complain. FML
Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML
Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML
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Top comments
BorderCount 5
If you can breathe and talk, you're not choking.
julfunky 29
You were talking (so obviously you could breathe). You were able to wait until she grabbed the drink then came back. Clearly you were fine enough to get the damn water yourself. Are your legs broken? You were nowhere near “choking.” Don’t be dramatic.
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Comments (7)
bloopaloop 27
Wa
biscuitjesus 6
Oof
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
oh just wait till next time to terurn the favor and don't forget it entirely possible to perform the heimlich on yourself
mfranks19891989 10
you posted this FML so your still alive no harm done
BorderCount 5
If you can breathe and talk, you're not choking.
julfunky 29
You were talking (so obviously you could breathe). You were able to wait until she grabbed the drink then came back. Clearly you were fine enough to get the damn water yourself. Are your legs broken? You were nowhere near “choking.” Don’t be dramatic.
Courtney McCracken 10
If you were able to talk then you could have gotten it yourself. It’s not choking if you can speak.