Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML
Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Marcella1016 32
Sit on the toilet with a bucket or trash can in front of you...?
dthindd 17
Just use a bucket in front of you so you don't have to clean up any puke!! Best way to go. (Line the bucket or bowl or whatever with a garbage bag so u can easily throw it out)☺️☺️ hope you feel better soon!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
ViviMage 40
Throw up in a trash can! Preferably one without holes in it! It worked for me after my valentines date left me with a stomach flu
merryhappy1887 20
Are you dumb? Use a trash can with a bag to throw up in jack ass!
DanielleinDC 34
You know, I've had occasions where puking precipitates stuff coming out the other end, and I know to sit on the toilet and grab a plastic bag for puking. That hasn't occurred to you yet?
WhoCouldIBe 11
Get a bucket
idontknow8 8
get a bucket or something. i was lucky to have a tub next to me so all i had to do was lean over to puke. sorry bud. awful shit.
jsmo11 12
Get a towel or bucket for the other end ;)
nenemisfit 11
the use of a bucket or a trash can would be helpful. ?
Mixed_steel 23
I had that happen to me last year. My first (and hopefully last) incident with food poisoning. Fortunately, my toilet is close enough to the tub that I could safely pray to two porcelain gods at once...
bassfisher100 23
I'm recovering right now from the flu, get a garbage can for while you're on the toilet that way you're covered
GeorgiaBea 28
Get a bucket. Damn it's not that hard