Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered, "Goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML
Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML
Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, the cashier asked if I wanted to donate $1 to help hungry children. I said, “Not today, thank you.” The man behind me loudly said, “Wow…” Now everyone thinks I hate children. I'm just that broke. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year-old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
My mum usually talks back in German to throw them off. Sometimes they speak back in German. She's lost then, as she only knows a few words. Not too clever either.
DocBastard 40
The worst part about Alzheimer's disease is...uh, I forget.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
kkjkidonthate 4
Should of gave him a weird look and told him to smarten up.
hopsinlove17 26
*have
windycityassasin 6
*smurf
TrueTriage 16
Ah the ever classic brutality of spell checking and grammar nazi FMLers.
AssTard 15
@25- Welcome to the internet.
olpally 33
*pizza
IQWasJustLowered 0
have given smurf... that's how I read it
pxndiieinsanity 6
Ah,Noor's picture is always cause for amusement. Say hello to Ezio for me. ^^
lexi365 20
Ahh. I love it when grammar nazis gang up on one post haha.
onlychildFTW 34
As long as it isn't your post right?
lolfood 24
Post, right*
louiserosen 4
Hahah
deathy94 14
What a nice comment. Keep them coming, maybe one day might be dominated for a Nobel price
Eiregal2 10
Dominated eh? Not sure that's how it works! Oh and hahaha
deathy94 14
O **** autocorrect, o well time crawl under a rock.... Thumb me down pls,
Eiregal2 10
We all have Been there pet! I thumb you up! Smile :-)
BulldogHoops 14
50- You don't have to ask me to thumb you down. I'm a grammar Nazi. :)
domking1315 20
Good cause no one asked you...
BulldogHoops 14
Darn. Looks like I said something really stupid, this is the first time I've been mercilessly buried. I guess I'll go on a shameful commenting hiatus for a couple of days.
kdog333 1
karmas gonna be a bitch.
BunchieRules 31
44 - Guns don't kill people... I do!
TheOath 12
Maybe karma would be nicer to us if we stopped calling her a bitch.
Sh3sth3blad3 0
Actually, you're wrong...it's "Guns don't kill people...uhuh! I kill people...with guns!"
mduffy08 8
You're wrong... I kill people with my bare hands! >;)
jellycorn 13
And I... Kill people with magic
MedKits 9
And I just kill people!
onlychildFTW 34
No more people killing!
amba69 0
Karma's only a bitch if you are!
MrPlopper 9
So I guess karmas a bitch then.
Matt_greener 8
CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?!
Manicpandalove 4
I would have laughed c:
MormonPornstar 7
Thanks for sharing. Diseases are funny, huh?
green2go 14
That's a new one lol
xxmollyxx 25
My mum usually talks back in German to throw them off. Sometimes they speak back in German. She's lost then, as she only knows a few words. Not too clever either.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Just make up your own language.. If they start talking back in the same Jibberish, go ahead and give them some money, they've earned it. :D
MuseFanatic 8
Yo no, ah, speak Ingles
Hockeyboy4280 18
32 *Yo no hablo inglés. Good try though.
unknown_user5566 27
52- I'm fairly certain #32 did that on purpose.
Jaxx66 21
Lol 32- that's pretty much how I answer my phone if I don't know the number. 'Moshi Moshi? No engrish... Sorreh, no...' I get some interesting replies. But as for the FML. I dont see a reason to act dumb honestly, just tell them straight: sorry, I don't carry cash.
jackii1313 9
101- are you positive you speak English?
ravemasterroxas 9
das ist nicht gut.
RomanBeauty 0
There's nothing "FML" about this. None of that had anything to do with you, you just sound like a self centered preteen embarrassed by their dad's shenanigans.
melody309 35
I read this comment before it got moderated, and all I have to say to you is that you make a lot of assumptions.
unknown_user5566 27
I don't like being asked to donate either (it makes me feel overly pressured) but your dad could've just politely declined, like most normal people do.
melody309 35
There's the problem. He's not a normal person.
DocBastard 40
The worst part about Alzheimer's disease is...uh, I forget.
TrueTriage 16
Oh yeah! you mean the.... What was it again?
sarahbear499 7
No no! You're both wrong! It's the...wait who are you people?
gc327072 31
Muriel!!! Where's muh dinner?
woainishamu 21
Noor who's your husband again?
olpally 33
What is that behind noor? Oh look there's a cookie, what were we talking about???
walmartpaysme 15
36, that's A.D.D.
cloak057_fml 8
Hi my name is todd. . . Hi my name is todd
BeforeItWasCool 12
I know it's the internet, but man I hate Alzheimer's jokes. Alzheimer's completely destroys a person and, I know it's the Internet but man I hate Alzheimer's jokes. Alzehimers completely destroys a person and.. Uh.. Oops.
olpally 33
49- I don't care.. I was trying to be funny and it didn't work obviously as you pointed out.. Just thumb it down, miss Walmart... *thumb me down for being an ass* cuz once one comment goes, so do the rest of mine... Stupid trend...
Marrach 7
63- I was going to thumb you down, but it's called sympathy, bro. ;]
walmartpaysme 15
63, is there a reason you had to just chew me up and down? Until right now I've always thought your comments were entertaining but thanks for being a jackass for absolutely no reason.
Warden1986 16
..
olpally 33
Its because you sucked the fun right out of my comment... Sorry for being an ass though... My apologies.
batrob 7
What are you talking about?
corysgirl1206 1
This is hilarious!! I would have laughed my ass off! My dad does the same stuff all the time and I think it's great :D
melody309 35
I did laugh! It was completely inappropriate for the occasion, though, so that's why it's an FML. (Oh, and I'm the OP.)