Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered, "Goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML
Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML
Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, the cashier asked if I wanted to donate $1 to help hungry children. I said, “Not today, thank you.” The man behind me loudly said, “Wow…” Now everyone thinks I hate children. I'm just that broke. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year-old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML
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Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
My mum usually talks back in German to throw them off. Sometimes they speak back in German. She's lost then, as she only knows a few words. Not too clever either.
DocBastard 40
The worst part about Alzheimer's disease is...uh, I forget.
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Comments (129)
Psychology_13 8
that's funny
Ugi 27
You should have said to the man making the collection "sure - you can have my dad!"
melody309 35
Hi, I'm the OP. My dad pretty much feigned memory loss and pretended to loudly hit on some college age girls in the parking lot. He also used an exaggerated southern accent (think Larry the Cable Guy) - he jokes about having an alter ego named Ellwood Klunker, who is a very adorable and hilarious, albeit clueless hillbilly (we live in the south, so we don't really think all southern people are mindless hillbillies; it's a joke). He just did it to be embarrassing, but I do understand how offensive some people find that type of behavior. He doesn't really think that way. I did think it was funny, but it would have been a lot funnier and more appropriate if we were at home, instead of him being so rude to the poor man's face. My dad is a good guy, and pretty hilarious as well; he's not perfect, but he's not a bad role model, as some people implied. Trust me, if I could make him grow up and punish him for some of the stupid, insensitive shit he's done, I would. Unfortunately, I can't, since he's my dad and I have to respect him and all that. For those of you who were legitimately upset over this, I would like to apologize for his actions and let you all know that my mom did give a small donation (a few dollars was all she could spare at the time). And thanks for all the joking comments - I really got a kick out of them. :)
richardmrcs 20
what a dick