Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered, "Goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML
Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML
Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, the cashier asked if I wanted to donate $1 to help hungry children. I said, “Not today, thank you.” The man behind me loudly said, “Wow…” Now everyone thinks I hate children. I'm just that broke. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year-old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
My mum usually talks back in German to throw them off. Sometimes they speak back in German. She's lost then, as she only knows a few words. Not too clever either.
DocBastard 40
The worst part about Alzheimer's disease is...uh, I forget.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
unknown_user5566 27
Wait... what? You're the OP, but this isn't the FML you wrote, and nothing happened as written in the story... ?
TheOath 12
Well that's new
TheOath 12
Argh damn time limit. Didn't mean for that comment. ^ actual one: If he didn't like it that much he could politely decline and you could donate instead. I always feel bad saying no to good causes so I always try to give something. Trick-or-treat for UNICEF!
melody309 35
My mom actually donated. I don't agree with what he did either, but it would have been hilarious in a more appropriate situation.
melody309 35
Hi guys! I'm the OP, in case you hadn't figured it out already. Suffice it to say my dad can be a jerk and he's never going to change, so all of your suggestions of what he could have done are kinda wasted. I thought it was embarrassing and offensive, but I laughed. Given a more appropriate situation, it would have been hilarious.
jazzyjazz23 9
My dad is the same way, he always does/says things that are not appropriate.
neurodoc 1
He should have said he forgot his wallet at home and didn't take his Aricept & Namenda. What was the money for again? And how do I get home so I could get you the...umm..... What is it that you wanted again?... The guy would give up.
Manicpandalove 4
Sorry bout yur dad op . . .
limitedition 25
Your Dad sounds like a fun guy. What does he do when the JW's come to the door?
melody309 35
We haven't exposed him to Jehovah's Witnesses yet . . . next experiment. I'll let you know how it goes.
Kallian_fml 21
I always enjoy releasing my dogs on the JWs. They're harmless, but they bark like crazy. It's always fun to watch people running and ******** themselves at the same time.
AFEmoWifey 0
Ah the JW may be more entertaining. They are always up for a challenge.
UnderOATH4Life 1
.
BellaBelle_fml 23
,
neurodoc 1
I'd say ;
waitwhatsgoingon 18
,
betseyville 6
When they ask me I say I don't have any cash, which is true 99% of the time.
greeneyebeauty9 28
he really needs to find a more age appropriate way to say no..
annie_nk 23
Troll dad IRL