Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
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Comments (249)
Dogmaw 0
#7 "typical male" ?! What the **** kind of retarded, in-breds were you raised with to that think an avg guy will smell smoke and go looking for tacos?
whoaa_nellie 0
hmmm i call BS. u mean to tell me that instead of trying to put out the fire when he smelled smoke that at that very moment he got hungry for a taco and left??? smh
lovelyxo 0
#68, yeah that was my bad, I was just skimming through and saw that post & it made me upset. (sorry about that) but seriously dude, you have no idea who I am, how old I am or what my beliefs are. I was just voicing an opinion, so don't tell me not to post or that I don't have a clue what's going on around me.
itsstevie 0
That sounds like something Homer Simpson would do. Lmfao.
C_Wicked27 0
I call bullshit on this, but in the event that this is true... please, PLEASE OP, take the hint and don't procreate with that man, for the good of the gene pool. He is clearly too ******* stupid to pass his seed on, end of story.
bigbuttsowhat 0
biggest lie ever pricks like you should be banned from having fmls
Kristoffer 35
Look at the bright side - at least you avoided make a huge mistake by marrying him.
luckyyyme 0
Way to pick a winner.
imkendra 0
This is not a person to legally bind yourself to and procreate with. If smelling smoke in the apartment signals to him that it's taco time and not time to check out where the smoke is coming from (like the candle he lit?!), then it's time to find a new man in your life. Anyone who would leave the house with a candle it is an idiot. Anyone who would leave the house with a candle lit to go get a taco after they smelled smoke is clinically retarded.
Jman1906 2
#4 you forgot throat punches!