Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
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Comments (249)
SirAwesome 0
This one sounds really fake, but it's hilarious, so I won't complain.
thingspoo 0
What an idiot. How could he do such a worthless thing? This is just another reason I will never live with anyone until I'm married. Waste of time, and too much at stake.
dips200 0
Bwahahaha. I hope this is true because that's pretty funny. Also, #27, that is a fantastic reason for why she deserved it. On another note, this is all pretty unfortunate no matter how dumb it was. At least you still have the guy that inadvertently burned down the house.
B00_fml 0
Leave that absent minded idiot before he gets YOU killed.
Roto13 0
Do not, under any circumstances, marry that man.
valuemeal2 1
Ugh that sucks. Don't marry him!
pinksocks 0
Haha! Sounds like something homer simpson would do. Sorry about the apartment though.
Chazlol 7
Woww, what an idiot.
tko 0
hahahaha #10
yeahyado 0
wow... i agree with the statements that tacos are amazing, but that does factually deserve a **** punch and a serious look at what you're getting yourself into... what's next, "the baby was in the bathtub crying so i shut the door and blasted Night Court reruns until it stopped"?!? p.s. #7 "typical male"?!? you are with out a doubt worth less than tacos and deserve what you have coming to you...