Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I moved out a few years ago, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. My husband and I live in a cottage on her land, and her actual words were, “Well you better abort it, because you’re not having any baby in my cottage. The piss, shit, and sick will ruin the resale value.” FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
An exercise in closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.
mas12806 24
No
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Comments (11)
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
instead of sitting someone down just blurt it out as when you tell someone to sit down they know its something serious
Jon Artz 11
But isn't safe sex more meant for stds not pregnancy
mas12806 24
No
Jon Artz 11
safe sex /ˌsāf ˈseks/ noun sexual activity in which people take precautions to protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS ... whats that?
RichardPencil 32
An exercise in closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.
Teri Green 9
well? how did it go?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How old are you? Are you married or in a committed relationship? Were you trying to get pregnant? If not, were you taking precautions to prevent it from happening? Hard to tell if you deserve it or not since we don't know the circumstances.