Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I gave my 16 year-old step-daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me "the hypocritical pervert." FML
Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with, "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
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Top comments
pistachiopanda 19
Just leave some pamphlets about giving your child up for adoption lying around.
iAlissa 34
You have an immature and shallow daughter.
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Comments (149)
frip_fml 9
I hate Facebook.
NurseAbi 10
You haven't failed, your child isn't mature enough for the sex talk. Fherlife
operator47 10
I'm so sorry for your burden.
entis_fml 9
I'm never having kids.
LennyComa 39
Kids say the Most Dipshitted things....
FlawlessSin 5
The sex talk should really come before you even consider letting kids use facebook and shit.
Sir_drink_alot 20
One day your daughter may thank you, I doubt it though, don't be too harsh on her or yourself. Most teenagers are uncomfortable talking to their parents about sex, also her friend was probably joking
Paigeleei 8
I'd smack my kid up. Like no joke. My daughter will never do that shit. And that friend wouldn't be to happy either. I'd be going over to talk to her parents. But that shit would never happen again.
Paigeleei 8
That's great!!! Like for real.
Slawter16 24
OP, I hope she apologised or something, or that she was at least joking. It embarrasses me when people who are probably somewhere around my own age act so immature. You should take away her internet/cell phone privileges for a while.