Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML
Today, I cleaned my 21 year-old son's bedroom from top to bottom. When he got home from work all he could do was complain that the clothes that were on his "floordrobe"’ were "only worn once." This was my only day off, so why do I bother? FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
The intelligence is strong with this one. He improvised, give him some credit there.
Redoxx_fml 22
Smartest man ever
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Comments (218)
buildajay 4
Pure genius
iHateHippiesToo 6
YDI - You have to have some standards on who you bed.
THE_A_TEEN 28
How do you "bed" someone? Or is just some outdated slang them ol' people use.
iHateHippiesToo 6
It's outdated slang us old people use.
dangfuyinwa 2
haha.let me think
bobbymiles67 0
******* moron
KarmaKoin 0
Your husband must be a very smart man.
ajpopoca88 3
is this the same father that had a one night stand with the nurse?? cus if soo he really needs to assess his problems
downtime 13
...Worst FML reference ever.
maxsonje 0
That is smart way to think on his toes
oathkeeper99 31
Makes sense to me
NNR 0
For not having the right supply's he had a halfway decent idea.
imlovedrunkjw 0
I see that u refuse to call him ur ex or fiancé or husband just ur sons father lol!
1crabbygirl 10
or maybe that's all he is. this could reinforce her lament at being attached to him indefinitely since they share progeny, or the start of an argument regarding child support.