Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML
Today, I cleaned my 21 year-old son's bedroom from top to bottom. When he got home from work all he could do was complain that the clothes that were on his "floordrobe"’ were "only worn once." This was my only day off, so why do I bother? FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
The intelligence is strong with this one. He improvised, give him some credit there.
Redoxx_fml 22
Smartest man ever
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Comments (218)
cheer4everever 0
Sounds effective. Why the hell did yet lay him off?
Fricktion 3
Because that stuff is expensive!! I'm sure he used more than a roll cleaning up when he could have done it at no cost to them.
night_saint 5
You sure he was laid off and not fired?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
And you BRED with this man? And you said the father of your child, not husband or even boyfriend. That doesn't say a lot about you to be honest...
docscientist 10
It's not like he poured water on the carpet hoping to rinse it off. Using tape isn't horribly outrageous if it got the job done.
veto15 0
If it was duct tape everything would still be wonderful
untamed112 0
.....I've done that .......
greeneye_fml 12
And you helped this man breed and spread his genes? Shame!!
DollyDope 17
That's actually quite resourceful, he could have simply left the carpet dirty Some companies just can't handle those who think out of the box :p
SkateboardGirl88 11
It's called a brazillian.
franceypants 0
at least maybe your kid will get his 'intelligence' from him!
nvo 6
Hope the kid comes after you...