Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML
Today, my parents have smoked for most of their lives and are both healthy as horses. Meanwhile, I smoked for two years, then went through hell quitting, and just had my first asthma attack and was lectured about "long term effects of tobacco, even after cessation." THIS IS BULLSHIT! FML
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML
Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "After I eat" or maybe even "When I'm tired." What I got was "Every second since you were born." FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
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Top comments
OrgasmicBunnies 9
thats pretty stupid.... I think she needs help.
badmandilon 19
She loves you to death!
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Comments (214)
lasttoknow 4
must man that ladie has her head stwisted on wrong that just aint right
spp87 0
Die from cancer at 80 or become even fatter and die of a heart attack at 40, id start smoking
Cammicane 3
73 - What does that even mean? *confuzzled*
stallion2521 0
be rebellious and smoke weed
SugaryTears 0
well as long as you know that smoking is bad and you will never do it then ur fine :)
N3v43h 0
Smoking's baaaad, m'kaaay.
demonspeed 0
while your at it just start sticking your finger down your throat....
OhLohd111 11
no, the mother was confused. you're not supposed to smoke the cigarettes, your supposed to eat them. you'll shed pounds every day! :D
Tahsis 4
What do you mean she "tried to tell you". She clearly succeeded in telling you about nicotine because you just posted what she said. Maybe you meant "tried to persuade you" to believe it or something. Either way, let's learn English?
N3v43h 0
Either way, let's try to remove that stick from your derriere.
docscientist 10
Tahsis, there's nothing to see here. Move along.
luluq 0
I'm pretty sure watching what you eat and working out also ensures weight loss, but I'm no doctor.
Casuality 6
Tell her to use the cigarette money to buy a monthly gym membership.
Consequences 0
if she has any young children please call child services so they may be removed.
BritSkits 22
you can't remove kids for that, dumbass. It's her opinion, and even if it's wrong, it isn't illegal for her to try to push it off on her offspring