Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Tell her a joke about her lungs.
FFML_314 12
Bitch slap her back.
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Comments (124)
Freeze_fml 17
Tell her a joke about her lungs.
Jokey007 3
love the picture :D
Brittney_E 0
ahaha thats hilarious xD my mom used to do that whenever she lost something, then i got smart >:D
bishoprsv2 0
PROOF-READ THESE FMLS, FML STAFF!!!
Freeze_fml 17
I'm not part of the FML staff. Sorry to disappoint you.
atomicwedgie4u 0
lay a pack of smokes at the top of the stairs then kick her down.
ShorTiE4LyFe 0
Love your pic, Freeze. :)
PimpdaddyCJT 13
thats ******* bullshit
number0 8
YDI for telling her a joke YDI for trying to be funny YDI for being social YDI for talking to people YDI for using your mouth
FFML_314 12
The fml says "I she" I think that's what he's bitching about.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
I love touching my eyeballs with chicken wings
PimpdaddyCJT 13
what I didn't say that this is bullshit
Miss_Grace 0
Language! ;-)
Notjustanother1 0
this is fake .... unless is stupid enough to let anyone lay hands on him
FunnyWeasel 7
hahaha, your mum - cigarettes = bitch slapping you!
BenD0VER 0
Freeze, y r u so uptight about grammar? LOL, I love your pics too - especially the one with all of the punctuation marks.
Brittneyyyy 7
#11 needs to calm down. At least you don't have to deal with her secondhand smoke anymore, right? Although I'm not sure that falling down a flight of stairs is any better :/
FFML_314 12
Forgive me Miss_Grace. I'm not one to usually swear, but I make a special exception for the "b" word though. It has a nice ring to it, yah?
duhitsnicole 0
next time... try to get her joke
ThinIce 0
I don't get the joke lol
Thunderbender 2
That'll teach ya.
treyroxx 0
lmao 1 and op it's call the three day hump for a reason
Tiwuz 19
Get a better joke :)
CaptaiNiLL 0
30 win
MitchN 0
42 god forbid she do normal people things
VegasSkiess 0
42, u must be one big dumb idiot then huh?
PizzaGuy11 0
i gotta better joke... what you call a hooker with a runny nose...? full...
jokrofhearts 1
#11 doesn't see that the OP lives in England and that they spell realize using an "s" instead of a "z".
FFML_314 12
Bitch slap her back.
rileykins 0
KEEP YOUR PIMP HAND STRONG!!
cockymofo 10
right on 3. now that would be funny
justsayfuck 5
Well I she don't get it either. May I bitch slap you now?
Mariax_fml 2
Hahah.. at least be happy she's quitting. :>
TexanBar 3
Hell yeah I agree with 3 Bitch slap that Bitch
Rob207 3
your hot #3
FFML_314 12
Gas?
RedPillSucks 33
plus, its a closeup of her nose. How can you tell if someone is hot or not in that pick, unless you have a nose fetish.
FFML_314 12
I know I have an extreme ear fetish.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Pendatik, he already answered your question. He thought he was in a diner, and was ordering our hot #3. He wants a hot lunch.
rileykins 0
he should go to dennys.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Ears matter, as do hairlines on the nape of the neck. I have a thing for big or distinctive honkers, too. Four words: Adrian Brody, Owen Wilson. :}
Raleigh_bruh 7
Adrian Brody? Wow, Jane.. :/
twinny_sc 13
Eww Owen Wilson...gross
FFML_314 12
I'm with you TIJD, I love Owen Wilson. :]
ndizzle 0
If big noses are cool, consider me Miles Davis!
PizzaGuy11 0
kno whats even better than big noses? everything.
EvilCupcake8361 9
54: lol at first I thought of boobs on guys then just girls with big boobs then realized you meant noses
textingfreak 0
I agree with
FFML_314 12
The suspense is killing me!!!!!!
FFML_314 12
No way, it's definitely Azula!
Puckeroo 0
I think it's Oobi, personally.
scvcwcheer 0
not zim, GIR
TheNewGuy03 29
i'm gonna go out on a limb and blame dib. |the kid|
scvcwcheer 0
psh no one agrees with dib. he's crazy
InfiltratedMind 0
I'm guessing Hitler
PizzaGuy11 0
nope its definetly magellin... the guy with the best freakin last name ever...
Alexweber929 14
Ronald reagan?
xX_rawr_KiTTiEXx 0
agreed with 3 ^_^
rlerke 0
lol I like your mom. stop telling retarded jokes.
titenite88 0
You stop trying to look like Edward Cullen.
mamita1589 0
agree with 85 lol
TexanBar 3
Wow 3 ur hot and funny ur like the perfect girl
dgaf247 0
...And you're like the perfect creeper.