Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML
Today, my parents have smoked for most of their lives and are both healthy as horses. Meanwhile, I smoked for two years, then went through hell quitting, and just had my first asthma attack and was lectured about "long term effects of tobacco, even after cessation." THIS IS BULLSHIT! FML
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML
Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "After I eat" or maybe even "When I'm tired." What I got was "Every second since you were born." FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
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Top comments
OrgasmicBunnies 9
thats pretty stupid.... I think she needs help.
badmandilon 19
She loves you to death!
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Comments (214)
nevinwhitis 1
guess I should quit my dippin. I can't put weight on for nothin.
Austtinn 0
what an encouraging mom?
BNY 0
she is so wrong, nicotine is NOT the only weight loss substance. if you want to loss pounds fast smoke crack or meth and if u cough too much or have asthma try shooting heroin. these all work great and don't cause cancer
EliseAqua 0
I sure hope you are being sarcastic.
PSQ91 6
Kids don't take advice, that's just messed up bullshit here.
OfficeNinja 5
just don't smoke pot! that leads to the munchies and weight gain!! I aways wondered what family treasure rednecks passed down from generation to generation. now I know.
cybermolly10 7
Yeah, but then if you ever quit smoking you'll gain weight. And how much do you really lose anyway, I never knew anyone who started smoking and then all of a sudden got really thin.
SteelCladAngel 0
I have a friend who's a smoker but he's morbidly obese (5'4") and 300 pounds he actually loses weight when he stops smoking x3 of course I don't think he's been under 260 pounds in.....nearly 10 years
LittlestV 28
Smoking doesn't cause weight loss, it's only if you replace meals/snacks with cigarettes. That's why (generally) people gain weight after quitting. So if you don't replace food with cigarettes, you don't lose weight anyway...
VBerryFML 0
great mum. i love smoking. i just quit. i wish i had your mum... mildly questionable parenting skills there though...
KGabehart9 0
Was she high when she told you this?
KGabehart9 0
Was she high when she told you this?
starwind3438 9
I'd rather die from being overweight than lung cancer. Smoking sucks.
JPEG7 12
i'd tell the smoking company... they might pay your mom for advertising :D